Brutally Honest Reviews™

Darkness is Rising

UPDATE: The author has changed the cover since the review.

Word Count: 1768

Title: Darkness is Rising~~NEW TITLE~~ Misery Looms

Genre: Fanfiction (Fullmetal Alchemist, anime)

Blurb: Edward Elric has gotten himself tangled within the plans of a deranged murderer. After surviving an attack nothing is what it seems as the lines between reality and fantasy blur together. Edward is struggling to keep up with the changes as well as hide that something isn't right from everyone he loves, but for how long? And if they do find out, will they still think of Edward as a friend or will they cast him away?

This murderer case was unlike anything Roy Mustang had seen before, there were no clues, no suspects and everyone was running around in circles. Now with the murderer after Edward, Roy has to do everything in his power to keep Edward safe, but as time grows on everything starts to fall apart. Edward is no longer acting like himself. Can Roy make Edward talk or will Roy watch as the murderer destroys everything.

Status: Ongoing

~~~

Starting Points: 30

Cover: I really have no issue with this cover. It fits the genre, it's cute, and the font surprisingly works. However, the blood splat looks like a paint gun splotch and most importantly, there is no author name in sight. Not even a username. (-2)

Title: Something about this title doesn't work for me. Maybe this has to do with whatever this fanfiction is based off of so I'm out of the loop, or maybe it doesn't. Whatever the case, this title seems very...passive. This is ultimately because of the word "Rising", and it makes the title a lot less engaging than it could have been, and oh my god I'm analyzing a title. (-2)

Moving on!

Summary: I think the biggest thing this summary is suffering from is that, at first (at least to me), it seems like there are two different summaries for two different stories posing as one. Why does it seem like that you ask? Well, it's because the transition to the second paragraph/portion of the summary has no transition. Literally there is nothing given and it's almost debilitating. I had to read this three times to fully grasp what the summary was talking about because I was immediately thrown out of it after that. It also didn't help that I was dying to go to sleep, but I didn't because naps are for the weak!

*Cries* Help.

-Anyway, so this review has just been sitting in my drafts as a result. Oops. What is also annoying me of this review goes right back to what I already pointed out: there are two summaries for two stories acting as one. At the end of the first chapter, you provided a "hook" to close the paragraph. That's cute and all, but that' usually done to rap up a summary, not to go into another paragraph? That was so messy and ugly I literally stared at the screen for a while in distaste. The summary seems to be suffering from odd placement of particular sentences, structure, and all-around organization. (-10)

Plot: Although the summary can be a lot better, the plot seems to be there and it isn't all that bad.

Opening thoughts:

-Yay! The writer did something good and gave people who aren't familiar with where and what this fanfiction was inspired. Basically some background. I'm internally grateful. I would give points for that...but I don't do that! I just love saying that I would give points to you if that was in fact a thing because I'm such a tease. *Grins*