cafe ; j.jk

fifteen

jeon jeongguk:

"why are you here?" my dear mom spoke to me as she stood in front of me, door open ajar.

"i just thought i'd come by, since it's dad's birthday."

"we already celebrated. you're late. if we wanted you to come, we would have invited you."

"yeah. i-i know but-"

"jeongguk. don't bother coming back here. we kicked you out for a reason. you're a piece of shit psycho. your dad still has scars from you trying to beat him half to death." she had tears in her eyes. "and those nights when you came back from high school parties. you were such an angry drunk."

"what do you expect me to do?! he was the one coming for me for not being home by curfew. it was such a pathetic reason for the both of us. he isn't innocent either!"

"you're mental. you have problems."

"i've gotten help, i started seeing a therapist. i'm better now. i stay away from alcohol at parties."

"you see a therapist because you tried to kill yourself jeongguk."

"yeah b-but we talk abou-"

"just, fucking leave."

i looked down at my hands and stepped off of my parent's porch. i started walking down the street, the street i grew up on.

i felt the rain and my salty tears mix.

"hey, do you need an umbrella?" i heard a familiar voice call out behind me, as their feet began splashing in the puddles. "oh my god. jeongguk?" my older brother walked beside me, holding the umbrella over the both of us. he pulled me into a tight hug.

"hey, hyung." i smiled weakly.

"where are you going? it's raining and it's cold. come home. i can make you soup, just like when you we were younger." he smiled.

"i'm not welcome there. sorry."

"oh, so you've already been home. i see." he spoke.

"mom told me to leave, she called me a piece of shit psycho. i'm not like that anymore."

"i know, i was able to track you down. it was kinda hard though." he sighed. "how are things with you and luna? and how's jimin with you now?"

i sighed. " i broke up with her because she's crazy, then losing my friendship with jimin.. it made my depression rapidly worsen. i tried to kill myself." i pulled up my sleeve. junghyun gasped.

"oh-oh my god. guk."

"i've been seeing a therapist. and i think me and jimin are okay, but we're both still uncomfortable"

"good. and don't listen to mom. you're amazing. i miss you little bro, and i love you so much."

"i'll come visit you. but mom can't know hyung. she will disown you, like she disowned her own son, because i was selfish and a 'psycho'."

"she only wanted you to leave because you nearly killed dad, and it all got out of hand. i know it sucks but it's in the past. there's nothing we can do about it now. give me your phone, maybe next time i'll just come and visit you. i could tell mom i'm going on a weekend university tour?"

"good idea. you get invited to those?"

"yeah. few more months and i'll be going to university. i got accepted to seoul national."

"that's awesome! i still can't believe i moved out before you." i snickered.

"hey! shut up."

i smirked.

"well bud, it was really nice to see you. mom's probably wondering where i am. i love you." he ruffled my hair, and hugged me tight.

"of course. text me. i love you too."

i walked to the train station, and waited for the next train to seoul. i couldn't help but think about what my mom said to me.

i'm such a fuck up.