|| Love to Hate Me ||

{Thirty-Two}

"If you're asking me to forgive you... I already have."

Harlan slumped; his knees buckled and his eyes went weak. He licked his lips, taking one hand out of his jacket to brace the wall behind her head.

"I love you, Lee. I love you so much. I shoulda known better. I shoulda known, but the thought of you using me... I got scared." Harlan admitted. He swallowed hard, staring down at her lips. He wanted to remember what they felt like.

Liana placed her hand on his cheek, feeling his slightly perspired skin. She stroked his face with her thumb, seeing their future in his eyes.

She saw it so clearly—taking on his last name, traveling the world together, having his baby. But it was merely a thought—a probability that seemed unlikely now. It was a fantasy; one that would not play out—not with Harlan.

Harlan was too difficult. He had too many issues that needed to be worked out.

"Harlan..."

"What, baby... what is it?" Harlan held her hand on his face. This was it—this was his chance to be happy again. The girl standing before him was all he ever wanted, she was all he needed. He would never lose her again, he would make up for his stupidity for the rest of his life, he didn't care—as long as he could have her again.

"You once told me that people only look out for their own best interest. This is me learning how to do that. I love you, Harlan... I'll always love you. But, you're not good for me. I forgive you, but I'll never let you hurt me again." Liana removed her hand from Harlan's face, only to have him place it over his heart.

"Baby, look at me... please. If you give me another chance, I'll never hurt you again. I swear, I'm- I'm sorry." Harlan's chin quivered, his voice unsteady. Liana could see that he was going to cry.

She froze; for a moment she thought about caving in. She had never witnessed Harlan cry before. But she knew how their story was going to end. Harlan had shown her just how he reacted to things when push came to shove.

"That's what you told me before, and look where it got me. I had to replace Robbie... I had to defend my reasons to keep you here. I can't do it again, Harlan."

"You don't trust me?" Harlan stepped even closer, pushing her hand into his chest. "Tell me what to do, and I'll do it. I'll prove it to you. I'll- I'll do anything."

Tears sprang from her eyes involuntarily with a weak smile. God, did it feel good to hear him say that. But Liana recalled that he had said that once before. She shook her head—her eyes fluttering to rid the forming tears causing her vision to blur.

"You moved on too fast. You started drinking again at the first sign of trouble. I saw you with those girls... I know what you did with them."

Harlan's eyes closed tightly, his face scrunching in agony. "Those girls... meant nothing to me. You know that. You-you have to know that."

"It's just the principle of it. If you loved me like you claimed... you would've heard me out. You would've been a man and listened to me, instead of acting like a teenage boy."

"You're right." Harlan's voice cracked. His lower lids swelled with tears as he sniffled, trying not to cry. "I fucked up."

Liana took Harlan's face in her hands. She raised to her toes, bypassing his lips to kiss his cheek just under his eye. "I love you. But I gotta look after myself from now on."

Harlan grabbed Liana's wrists, pulling them into his chest with a clenched jaw. "Are you just sayin' that, or do you really mean it?" He asked. "If I ask you in five years-" Liana laughed through tears, trying to pull her hands out of Harlan's grasp to wipe them away. "Lee, look at me... if I ask you to have a baby with me in five years..." it was useless—Harlan wasn't letting go. Liana ducked down, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. "What about gettin' married in the woods, huh? All that's a no-go too, is that what you're tellin' me?"

Liana sniffled, trying to regain her composure. "I don't wanna get hurt again." She whispered, too afraid to speak normally. She was afraid that if she did, she'd breakdown when hearing the sound of her own admission.

"I'll never hurt you again, I promise."

"I can't trust you, Harlan. You practice what you preach, you're good at looking out for yourself. You push people away before they have a chance to hurt you. You create problems that aren't there, you shut down-"

Harlan's lips crashed into Liana's, muffling her words. He held her face, forcing her to kiss him. "But you make me a better person. You make me see things differently." Harlan admitted against her lips.

"So do you." Liana pulled his hands away. "And what I'm seeing right now is a load of bullshit from someone who's really sorry. I can't do this, Harlan. I forgive you, but I can't forget how quickly you thought the worst of me." Liana marched around him back toward the dressing room—she moved quickly so Harlan wouldn't have a chance to stop her.

She had to get away before he changed her mind.