I ran as fast as I could, tears streaming down my cheeks. the event replayed in my head over and over again. I let out a sob and I struggled with my school bag. The rain poured down as I stumbled in the dark, scared and traumatised.
I opened the doo...
stop coming @ me for my grammatical errors i don't fucking care and i write to distract myself from the darkness im going through (and have been for a long time). it really does not help. i wrote most of these is 2017 or sutn. anyway...if you got an issue then don't fucking read my books. next stupid asshole to complain i will block.
maddie was on the road to covery. but she's fallen pregnant. she was in agony as she was having the child of a rapist. but said to herself she'd give it the best life ever. it was hers as well and she'd love it.
i supported her. jade did to. we visited her daily and brought her gifts and watched movies with her. she woke up screaming a lot of times due to the trauma she suffered. but she wanted to get better. sarah had brought me a rupi kaur poetry book and told me to give it to her. it was based on sexual abuse and it would help her understand it more and she could learn from it etc.
my therapy was going well to be honest. i'd stopped taking my pills though. i didn't feel like myself with them. my parents and therapist supported my choice and didn't mind thankfully.
today me and ryan were hanging out. i got up and ready into this:
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i brushed my hair and put on some eye shadow and mascara. after putting on perfume and my backpack i headed downstairs.
i had breakfast and heard my parents getting up. i made them some and they thanked me. "ooh ryan huh?" brendon teased me. "look who's talking" i smiled innocently. me and sarah started to laugh while brendon went red. "only my fans can tease me about that" he said. "that's me" i pointed to the ceiling fan. we all laughed them went quite. i tried to commit suicide using it a few months ago.
thank god my phone buzzed. ryan texted me that he was outside. "i-i should get going" i said awkwardly. "i'll walk up you to the door" brendon said quietly. "bye" i hugged sarah and headed to the door. i opened it and looked at brendon. "be safe" he mumbled. "are you o- are you crying?" i ask. "uhh...kinda. just thinking how we nearly lost you" he sniffled. "hey"'i hugged him. "i'm not looking to do stupid things ever again. okay?" i said. "good" we had a hug and i went outside. "bye" "see you later cutie. hey ryan" brendon said, waving to my friend. i made kissy faces. i laughed while brendon sighed and smiled, then closed the door.
"hey!" i smiled as ryan. he looked really nervous. "hi" he said. "what's up with you mr shy?" i nudged him and giggled. he has such pretty eyes...wait what? "nothing" he protested. "wait really are you okay?" we stopped. hasn't he ever noticed how adorable he is...lana what? "just nervous" he admitted. "me too" i shrugged. lana how the fuck are you nervous? you've known him for ages!
then it came to me whine we were sitting in taco bell laughing together. I'd developed feelings for ryan.
"ryan" i asked him suddenly. "yes?" he looked at me, his bangs hiding his eyes slightly. "nothing" i said, anxiety taking over. "are you okay?" he asks me. "y-yeah. i-im gonna go to the bathroom"
i sat on the toilet and whipped my phone out.
me: how do i know if i like someone?
brendon: You think about them, find them attractive, you feel sick in a good way around them, your happy around them etc. who is it?
me: ryan...
brendon: HAHAHAHAHHA
me: st0p it you...poop.
brendon: LOL you like Ryan
me: fuck you, help me
brendon: Well he likes you? You guys hang out so much. It was ought to happen
me: what do i do ajsjsjjsj
brendon: Ask him if he still feels that way first. Then maybe pop the question?
me: ufudhsh ily thank you
brendon: wait. does this mean your bi?
me: stfu i wanna come out, your not doing it for me
brendon: Lol okay ;) Love you too by the way
i clicked my phone off and exited. ryan was waiting for me and texting his friend. he's sooo gorgeous! lana stop! he smiled when he saw me. i did to. "hi. what now?" i asked, sitting opposite him. "we could go for a walk?" he suggests. "you are so cute" i said in my head. "really!? i-i mean...really?" oh shit. "walk? great idea!"
we walked along the street sipping our leftover bajo blasts. "can i ask you something?" i ask suddenly. "sure" we threw our drinks away and sat on a bench. "do you still like me?" i ask. his eyes filled with fear. "kind of" he mumbled. "i'm sorry" he said. "what!? don't say sorry! i like you back anyway" i said. "wait what?"
oh shit.
i'd admitted it already. i wasn't scared anymore. "i like you back" i said. "y-you do!?" he smiled. "yeah. i'm not a fucking lesbian after all. guess i'm bi" i said.
"but are you ready to start dating again? i mean the whole maddie thing and i am tammys brother" he said. "the fact that your concerned about me makes me more in love with you" i said. "you know what? fuck it!" then he pulled me into a kiss.
it felt amazing.
we pull away and i smiled. "you are a good kisser" i said. "really? you are too" he laughed. i did to. "so...wanna hang out tomorrow?" he asked. "i would love to"
he took me home and we held hands. brendon was sitting on the porch with sarah, talking. "awww! is it official?" brendon asked. "will be" ryan smiled. i laughed. "oh by the way i'm bisexual" i said. "cool!" sarah smiled, high giving me. "awesome!" brendon grinned. "i know right! oh and ryan, see you tomorrow" i hugged him. "see you soon gorgeous"
"awwww!" my parents cooed. i blushes and sat in between them as ryan got onto his bike and left. "am i moving to fast?" i asked them. "you and maddie have been broken up for nearly seven months" brendon reasoned. "true" i agreed. "and in a month and three weeks we've had you for a year" sarah said. "a year? wow. that went fast as fuck" i said. "too right" brendon put an arm round me as we all watched the sky fall.
