I ran as fast as I could, tears streaming down my cheeks. the event replayed in my head over and over again. I let out a sob and I struggled with my school bag. The rain poured down as I stumbled in the dark, scared and traumatised.
I opened the doo...
"hey tam! are we still on for today?" i asked. "y-yeah. i gotta go. bye" she cut the call.
weird.
i got ready into this:
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i did my make up (just a bit of eye shadow and mascara). i grabbed my backpack and filled it with money, my keys, my debit card, my phone, my earphones, my polaroid camera, mascara, lip balm, hair bands (or whatever) and water.
i slung my backpack over my shoulder and headed down. "you look so cute" sarah smiled. "thanks but you do too" i smiled. "i'm cuter" brendon walked in shirtless. "your a fuck boy" i smiled. "what's a fuck boy?" he laughed "a guy. who fucks and says bye bye" i say. "oh. yeah that's me" he said.
after i'd eaten, fed penny and bogart and said bye to my parents i walked to tammy s house. i went on snapchat and took a selfie. i captioned it "hanging with my faveee today!!" and put a cute sticker of tammy. i added it onto my story and then carried on walking.
i made it to her house and knocked on the door. her mom opened up "hi lana! come in!" she smiled letting me in: "hi! how are you?" i smiled back as she hugged me. "i'm great sweetie! tammys getting ready. you can go and see her" i thanked her and headed up.
"hey tam!" i opened her door. but she wasn't there! "tam?" i look around. i shut the door. "tammy what are you up to?" i laughed. she's probably hiding. i looked under the bed. no. i looked behind the curtains. "tammy you cant hide from me" i giggled, looking round. i opened her closet. and let out an scream.
tammy was inside. but she wasn't alive. she was hanging from a noose.
"t-tam!? tammy no!" i got her out and laid her on the floor. "tam no y-you aren't gone!" i felt her pulse.
she was gone.
"no! no no no! this can't be! no! l-linda!" i started to sob. i clutched her hand and cried. "lana? wha- oh my god! baby!" linda rushed over.
everything was a blur after that. but i went to the hospital with them as i was the first to see her dead. a nurse called my parents and told them what happened. i sat in the waiting room and sobbed my heart out. her family were in agony.
this was all my fault
i should have told. i should have done it ages ago. it would have been sorted out. i should have helped her. i should have been a good friend. she's gone because of me. i killed her.
"oh my god lana!" brendon picked me up and sat me on his lap holding me close while i cried my heart out. "its all my fault" i whispered, hating myself more as the minutes went by. "no! don't blame yourself darling" he says. "i-i should have told! i'm so fucking stupid!" i sobbed, clenching my first. "hey don't hurt yourself. everything's going to be okay"
"no! she's dead! and it's all my fault!" i knew a panic attack was coming on. i got up and ran. i didn't know where i was running to. "hey come here okay?" brendon held me and calmed me down but i just wanted to die.
she wasn't supposed to die. i was.
"it should be me in there! not her!" i sobbed. "no! lana don't you dare say that!" brendon has tears in his eyes now. "she's gone b-because of me" i whispered. "if she saw you blaming yourself, she wouldn't be happy" brendon said, holding my close. "she's watching you. if you give up, it will hurt her more - and us! tammys dead but she's still in your heart and always will be"
