What If?

Chapter 1

As Joyce sat sketching by the river, she contemplated why this had happened again. Her most recent boyfriend, Matt, had just broken up with her. She and Matt had been together for about two months and she had thought everything was going well. Apparently, it hadn't. Joyce's heart had been broken so many times that she felt like it never fully healed. Matt had said, "It's better for both of us." Yeah right! Better for you! Joyce had thought. "You don't know what's 'better' for me." She had said. Matt had just looked at the ground and stayed silent. And that's when Joyce walked away. She was so tired of guys who were selfish and only thought of the benefits that they could get for themselves. 

This was obviously not the first time a guy broke up with her. This was the third time this year! How could she have been so stupid? Was she acting desperate? Joyce never had thought of herself as desperate, but after Matt, she had felt as though she needed a man in her life to be happy. Guys made her feel wanted and worthwhile. But without a boyfriend in her life, Joyce felt mediocre and almost stuck in time. 

Joyce had been going to the local university to get a degree in art. She loved how making art made her feel. Matt had always complimented her sketches and she had beamed at his flattery. Matt. Stupid Matt. Why had he not felt the same way she had? Had she done something wrong? Has it always been her fault? Ugh! Joyce didn't know. She didn't want to think about Matt or any guy anymore. Sometimes she felt like she'd be better off just ignoring all men and opening up an art studio by herself. Maybe have a few cats to keep her company... But Joyce didn't want to be viewed as a crazy cat lady. Or a spinster...

She stared at her finished sketch. She had drawn a ship. She felt like maybe that ship could take her away from all her problems. But it was just a fantasy. A fantasy! Joyce had always been a dreamer. She always held out hope for something better in her life. But now... her faith was almost nonexistent. Her gaze shifted from her drawing to the river. The river was so constant and pure. It was a stream that came from the mountains above her hometown. The river was definitely her favorite place to think and draw. Joyce hadn't shown it to anyone. It was her quiet happy place where she could let go and be herself. But, it was time to go. She had her art history class in a half hour. She closed her sketchbook, took a deep breath, and began walking back to town.  

***

In class, the professor talked and talked. He was saying something about how back in Medieval days, palaces and castles would often times have murals of the kingdom's history. "Blah, blah, blah." Joyce muttered under her breath. She wasn't paying him a lot of attention. She never was very good at history. She preferred the 'art part' of art history. "And that's it for today class," Professor Briggs finished. Joyce hurriedly got up walked across campus to her car. 

As she got into her car, she started to cry. "Matt!" she cried. "What's wrong with me? Is it all my fault?" She started the car and tried to contain her tears. But they kept coming all the way back to her apartment. 

***

Later that night, after a bowl of moose tracks ice cream and a pomegranate face mask, Joyce felt a little better. It was late and she decided she needed to go to bed. Bed... she thought. The place where I lay awake thinking about all my problems.

The tears started to come again. "Why can't I stop crying?" she sobbed. She climbed into bed and threw herself down. Joyce curled up into a ball and sat there for a long time. "What if there weren't any men in the world? What if they were all gone?" Joyce whispered. "What if that's the way it was?"

Her eyes fluttered and a strange feeling came over her as she suddenly drifted off into a deep sleep.