Bouquet of Knives Book One

Chapter Eight

Draco's POV

You twit, what have you done? I yell at myself, tugging at my hair. There were no words to describe what I've done. The amount of trouble I was in was heavy on my chest. What do I do? I have to stop it before it goes too far but... Do I have the heart to do it? I fell in love with the prat and now I'm really in deep. I don't know how I let myself do this, I even told myself not to. I had practically beaten it into my brain, how is this even possible? I need to break things off... It's already gone too far.

I walk down the halls, wracking my brain for ideas of how to do this. I didn't want it painful. I wanted to let him down easy. Tell him that it just isn't working out. Maybe I could send an owl. No, that's wrong. Was there any right way of doing this? I don't see an ending where he won't get hurt. I've let my walls down for too long and it's time to bring them back up. I need to be sure they never fall like they did again. Not for Harry, not for anyone. There's a reason I have them up, I can't afford to let them crash and burn over some bloke.

I spot Harry walking out of the library, his nose in a book. He was turning slowly into Granger with how much he's trying to study. I take a few breaths as I stalk over to him, my mind set on ending this... this... well, whatever it is. Whatever it was. I can't have these feelings distract me like they've been, not when I need to control my plans. Not when he's turned me into a weak slob.

"Potter," I spit out, the old venom from before hanging on the words. Harry looks up at me, giving me a mean look before returning to his book. "I have something important to tell you," he stops walking and looks up at me.

"I'm a bit busy, what?" He snips, pushing his glasses up. The move made my heart melt. What, no. No feelings. I clear my thoughts and brace myself for what's coming.

"We need to talk," I start slowly. Harry looks at me with lowered brows, watching me carefully. His eyes look at me, the sparkling green eyes that I adored so much. It doesn't help that his hair was unkempt, his clothes slightly out of place as if he had just woken up from a nap. How was I going to do this when he looked up at me with such happy eyes? Could I really break his heart like this? For the sake of me not wanting to feel what I'm feeling so often around him? Merlin, this really makes me the prick of the year, doesn't it?

"You going to speak or just stare at me?" He watches me carefully now, those suspicious eyes looking into mine. I reach out and pull him to me, letting a smirk form. There's just no way I could end something that makes me feel so... happy. I couldn't leave him, not when he's actually made me stronger. Not when he's actually brightened my life. I just couldn't put either of us through that heartbreak.

"How does after dinner sound?" I give a suggestive wink and he smiles up at me, kissing my chin. He agrees before kissing me and walking off with his book in his hands. I watch him walk off, smiling to myself as I notice his butt. My smile drops and I shake my head, yelling at myself for not doing what I planned on doing. I've already found out what I wanted, I don't need to stay any longer. Why can't I just drop the damn git.

I grumble as I walk down the hallway towards the library. I could use some peace and quiet to think to myself. I needed a new plan if I am to do this right without hurting him. If only I hadn't waited so long to get the information. Surely it wouldn't have taken that long had I went along with my plan. Then again, it didn't seem to work all that well. But that was because of the feelings I had. Look at me, using the past tense of "have" like I don't still have those feelings. Like they aren't heightened since we've been together. Like it wasn't going to tear me apart to do this.

Maybe I didn't have to do it. Maybe I could keep him and ignore what Blaine says. Ignore when he says I could use his past against him. It's not like I'm being threatened with my life if I don't leave him, right? What's the big deal if I stay. Just because the information I got would make father happy? No. I'm not going to hurt Harry like that. I can't.

"Draco," I hear my roommate, Blaine, call. I turn and see him walking up to me with a smile on his face. "Did you do it?"

"Um," is all I say as I look down. I can hear the disappointment in his sigh. I look back up, looking into his eyes.

"Why are you still with him?" Blaine asks as he folds his arms, a muddled look in his eyes while he stared at me. I didn't know what to say to him. Do I tell him the truth and admit that I'm in love with Harry so I can't end things? Or do I lie and tell him that I'm working on it, that it's harder than he thinks? Either one could get me in a lot of trouble.

"I'm trying, Blaine. I've gotten the information I needed so I just need to find a way to let him down gently, so I don't hurt his feelings," I look at Blaine's unmoving face. "It's not like I ever really liked the git, it'll be easy." I wave it off like it actually was an easy task even though my heart was twisting just thinking about it. It left me almost breathless to say, like it was slowly ripping my air away as I spoke.

"You could always just get it over with, who cares if it breaks his heart?" Blaine looks at me like I've forgotten who I am. Maybe I have. Or maybe I've just slightly changed. I didn't see anything wrong with myself but maybe I'm just so blinded by him that I can't see what he's doing to me. But I can't say I don't like the feeling. It's a feeling I'll never get used to. The butterflies, the instant happiness when I see him.

"I very well could," I heard a small gasp and turn to see Hermione standing behind me with a face of disgust. My eyes widen in horror as I realize she had just heard what we said. Her face contorts as her jaw hangs open and her eyes wide. When I walk towards her to tell her it's not what she thinks she whips out her wand and gets into a defensive stance.

"How could you?!" She shouts, pure rage in her voice. I hold my palms up, taking a step back. "I should have known you never cared for Harry! You never care for anyone but yourself, you... you... Slag!" I suck in a sharp breath from her insult but I completely deserved it. She quickly turns on her heel and walks away. I knew she was going to tell Harry before he went off to his dormitory. I shouldn't have opened my mouth to Blaine. I should have gone with my gut instead but now I'm going to have to face Harry with the matter in a way I didn't want to happen. Maybe he won't believe her... Merlin, I hope not.