Exotica

Trust Me

♤ Quinten Salazar ♤

You can say that you forgive someone all you want but, if you do not let go of that anger or hurt you have towards them then you never forgave them in the first place nor yourself. Many people simply say that they forgive someone just to end an argument or to prevent themselves from actually talking about why they're hurt or angry. That's never okay, you have to actually want to forgive them no matter how much it hurts. By not forgiving others you're hurting yourself and toting around flow frequencies which makes your own spirit imbalanced. In some cases forgiveness is more about yourself than the other person, sometimes you have to forgive them so you can heal; forgiveness is also one of the hardest things for the human race to do, so many people rather throw your wrong doing in your face instead of simply letting it go and moving on with life.

"You a bitch for that bro, excuse my language but you know mommy would've said something way worse." I glare at my sister as she laughs. I need to remind myself to go to my father instead of my sister when I need advice but at the same time, I prefer to have a woman's outlook on things so I guess that's why I always go to Cyarra. "Are you going to help me or not?" I ask, desperately. Amini may have returned home and said to have forgiven me but I know that she hasn't.

She can barely stand to be in the same room as I; when I walk it she suddenly walks out and claims to have something to do. We're now sleeping in bed together after not doing so in months but she has a pillow dividing us, I'm not allowed to touch her and when I attempt to she finds some way to get as far away from me as possible.

It hurts me to see her that way and no matter how much I have apologized for what happened it still does not seem to be enough for her. Cyarra looks up from her phone at me and smiles a bit then interlocks her fingers. She looks over at the staircase making sure that my wife was not standing there ( I have no clue why I was even bold enough to invite her while Amini was home) once meeting my eyes she mouths something that I could not quite catch.

"Excuse me?" I lean forward and raise my brow at her. "You have to understand that it's worse because you were with Imani before so in her mind," she stops to look at the staircase once more. "In her mind she thinks that you may still feel some type of way about her."

"I most definitely do not." I say truthfully. I felt guilt right after Imani kissed me. The love I have for her is solely because she is the mother of my kids, my love for her is on a platonic level and has been since our divorce. Not to mention, the differences we have towards one another would never allow me to try and love her romantically, even if I try forcing myself to I know that I would not, my heart and spirit rejects things of that nature but my wife cannot see it.

"Okay but keeping it a secret was so wrong of you like why the hell would you do-"

"Quiet down." I warn her.

She rolls her eyes at me and looks down at her phone, "You're really an ass for that like, I want to pick your side because you're my big brother and all but, Quin you really fucked yourself." I tuck my bottom lip at her statement which was sadly true. By keeping a secret from my wife I made matters worse, I'm not sure if she'd still have this type of reaction towards me if I told her the night it happened or not but I honestly do regret not telling her.

"Don't do that." I gaze up at my sister and furrow my brows. "Don't start thinking all those negative things about yourself now, I hate when you do that. You made a mistake and you feel shitty about it but do not think negative at all. If mommy were here she'd beat your ass for that and you know it." The fact that she was right made me laugh. I know my mother would pull my ear in a heartbeat if she was beside me right now. She'd also tell me not to stress so much about it and own up to my wrong doing which I believe I have; It's been a month now and things still have not changed which frightens me.