The sun was setting as we drove home and all we could say was "oooo" and "ahhh" as we looked up in the sky. Everything was going well until the question came out.
"So, whats the list?" Miah asked concerned.
"Oh it's nothing," I told him trying to avoid the question.
"No it is something and I want to know," he looked at me and I just couldn't resist those beautiful eyes.
"I just have some stupid list of things I want to do before I die," I mumbled. "Wow, look at the sky!"
"No. Don't be changin' the subject on me! So you have, like... a bucket list?"
"Eh, I wouldn't say that, but-"
"Yes it is. Why'd you make one so soon? You still have a whole life ahead of you!"
"Pft, ya, right," I replied annoyed.
"I had a bucket list," he was so quiet I could barely hear what he said.
"Past tense?" I asked.
"Well, I realised it doesn't matter what I do before I die. All that matters is who I do it with," he looked into my eyes like he always does when he says something sincere.
"I agree. But, I also want to do things that I've always wanted to do with the one I love... whether it's to make me happy, or other people," I smiled at him and he smirked.
"You're somethin' you know that?" he laughed.
I sighed,"So I've been told!"
"So what exactly is on this list of yours?"
"Hmm... well obviously the hot air balloon ride. I thought it'd be cool to see the world from a different perspective, ya know? And I wanted to paint grafiti. Give advice to someone. Oh! This is a good one. Buy a random stranger a cup of coffee!"
"That was me," he smiled at me.
"Then I have to write a childrens book, get a tattoo, umm... get a job, run on the beach with someone I love. The last one I think is gonna be the hardest to get but, it's to experience a miracle," I looked towards him and smiled.
"When are you gonna tell 'em?" he asked me.
"Tell who what?" I was confused.
"I know you've been keeping it a secret. You know, your leukemia. You have to tell them." He was serious and I knew he was right. I knew I was eventually going to tell them but I just never knew when.
"I don't how," I looked at him sadly.
"I'll help you," he offered.
"No, no. I have to do it on my own. It's my problem not yours." We drove silently for a while and it was dark outside now. Miah startled me when he asked me the next question that I never wanted to have to answer.
"Are you scared, to die?" he asked looking over at me sadly. I sat there for a moment thinking about how to answer this. I was scared. I wasn't even just scared, I was terrified. But I couldn't tell him that. I wasn't just terrified though. I knew it'd all be okay in the end. So, I told him the truth.
"Yes. I'm terrified," I gulped trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. I turned a little in my seat. "I'm not afraid to die, though. It's more where I'll go after I do. I mean... I guess I always knew I'd die, but I never really knew when. Everybodies gonna end up dying sooner or later right? It's a part of the cycle of life" After that, all we could hear was the hum from the truck engine. Every little bump seemed like a giant rock that we flew across like we were about to fall off a giant cliff. I kept getting ready to take my last breath although I never had to.
"You wanna drive?" Miah asked me out of no where.
"Umm, I've never driven before," I told him a little ashamed. I just really never gave that much thought ahead of my life to think that I would need a liscence, much less a permit.
"I'll teach you," he grinned as he stopped the truck in the middle of the road. It was late at night and there wasn't a car in sight. I was nervous, I'm sure you can understand as you see the situation I'm in.
"Oh dear," I whispered getting in the driver's seat and shutting the door.
"First, put your seat belt on, safety first," I laughed nervously.
"Oh right. How could I forget?" I pulled my seat belt over me and clicked it into place.
"Second, calm down. If anything, all you'll do is drive us into a ditch," he said calmy as if that was no big deal if it happened.
"Oh that's all?" I gasped even more nervous at the thought.
"I was joking," he laughed. "Okay, first you're gonna put it into drive," he pointed toward the lever I was supposed to use.
"That right?" I asked him, afraid I was going to do this all wrong.
"Yup, you're doing fine," his eyes looked even more beautiful than usual. They glistened in the light from the street lamp. We were in the middle of no where so I was starting to get a little confident, knowing I wouldn't hurt too many people driving.
"Mkay. Now you're going to press down on that pedal right there. It's called the gas," he explained like I was 5.
"I know, I know and that's the brake!" I told him pointing to the other pedal as I glared at him playfully. He laughed his nice low, far off thunder sounding laugh.
"My little girlfriend Benna is just so smart." he joked, patting my head playfully.
"Is it turning you on?" I wiggled my eyebrows up and down.
"Not at all," he replied acting bored,"but the sexy, big, brown eyes of hers are," he smirked at me. I giggled and looked back at the road.
"Too bad!" and we both laughed at the same time. "All right, well here it goes!" As I pushed down on the gas we jolted forward and I quickly stepped on the brake. "Okay I'm not doing this. I quit, I quit!" I yelled as I turned the key to turn off the engine. I unbuckled my seat belt and got out of the car, walking to Miah's side of the car. He was still sitting in the car.
"Get back in the car," he demanded.
"I will not!"
"You will too. Now get in and try again. Don't be like your mother and give up on anything or anybody!" He yelled. "Now try again." With the comparison of me and my mother, my anger started to boil. I stormed back to the driver's seat as I buckled up and started the engine. Quickly I started driving and I was so angry that I didn't even notice how well I was doing. Miah started laughing and it angered me even more. He was practically crying when I looked over at him.
"What?" I asked sharply.
"Now I know how to get you to finish something," he said between breaths.
"Ya well, don't ever compare me to my mother," I snapped. I looked over at him and I just couldn't hold it in any longer. I started laughing more than I ever had laughed in my whole life. We laughed and laughed until we couldn't laugh anymore, when I started sobbing. Miah continued to laugh until a couple seconds after I started sobbing when he realised it wasn't funny anymore. I had stopped the truck and he just looked over at me as I had my hands on the wheel with my head leaning on my hands. I felt Miah's hand come to my back and he rubbed it as I kept sobbing and sobbing.
