Brutally Honest Reviews™

Onyx City Gods (OT/RR)

-So, the beginning of chapter one starts out like the original draft I read last year: super moody, reminds me of DC/Gotham (more so of The Watchmen), and MC Darius is walking in the rain, cornrows and all. Everything is going swimmingly, right? Right? RIGHT? Well no. Something always must go afoot.

-To put it simply, something is annoyig me but I cannot seem to put my finger on it. That, or my standards have risen in a year and I have gotten ridiculously harder to impress. Cannot really tell at this point. However, I will say that whatever this thing is seems to be consistent with itself so far. This does not mean that I am perpetually entertained by this thing, but I will give it that.

-I am about to complain, of course, and it might be subjective. Also, this might be a heavy case of stream of consciousness from here on so hopefully somewhere in this I make a point—let us see how this turns out!

*Takes a week to rip this chapter piece by piece before I rant*

-Nice, nice. *Bites into a wafer cookie*

*Pats crumbs away, smells fingers*

-I am ready.

Characters:

-Darius. He has become something short of a cunt, that is for sure. I am not going to fret so much on a character being ~eh~ so much so because I rather wait for a reasoning why they are the way they are before fully judging unless if it is far too "problematic" and just done wrong. As long as a character is realistic and feels like someone who existed before I begin reading their story, I'm calling it a success on the author's part. Dissecting the character for their actual person, morals, etc. comes in later for me.

-However, since I love to complain, watch me fret! Excerpt: "Pulling my hood, I grimace at the sight of the litter; it's all because of those pathetic beggars. If they are going to sleep on the streets, they should at least keep them clean. Otherwise, they need to go—they contribute to this city's deterioration."

-So, if this does not illustrate me thinking negatively of the guy, I do not know what will. Those two sentences managed to say a lot about Darius in a short time, which is a good thing. For one, it made me think about why someone who seems to be stuck and living in the "ghetto" would have such a heartless, unsympathetic outlook on the people who are struggling more than himself. In a way, he almost sounds like a conservative, and for me, I instantly assume that it has something to do with his upbringing and that's super interesting and kind of relatable for me to grasp onto as a reader. It does not make him likable, not even approachable, but I think it ties quite well with the actions he does further into the chapter.

-Spoiler alert: he murders two men and I was petrified, y'all! Overall, Darius is not likable, but he is intriguing. I feel like the author has enough respect for the readers that there is a reason for it so I do not mind all that much.

-Onyx City. Can be better, and kind of needs to stray away from the Gotham City similarities, but the descriptions are effective and do get across the point that it is a shithole. Maybe some subtlety AND giving some backstory/history that remains relevant while Darius strolls its streets can help to alleviate these dreadful woes and my obnoxious exaggerations. I go on a rant about this a few sections down.

-"The Clique" aka Kraken's mob (think of them as The Sopranos, or the gangster rats from The Tale of Despereaux,  or something). They need a better name because my mental picture immediately made me think of high school, which is cringey. Anyways, the chapter barely speaks of them and with the lack of law enforcement their presence should be even more menacing and...perhaps visceral. At least try to show an attempt at making them into a force that the reader should be interested in. If not, they are probably going to note them as a "generic-mob group #56038837". (-1)