small world

chapter 9

 HARRY

We’d been at the flat for about an hour, and luckily all of our stuff was set up and ready. When we arrived I quickly figured out where my room was and escaped to it. The vibes going around stung with negativity and it was really the first time we’d experienced tension within our bandship. I knew it was I who had to fix things and explain myself. After a sleepless ‘nap’ I hesitantly slipped out of my room and into the kitchen where Louis, Niall, and Zayn sat at the island. Almost as soon as I entered the room Liam was as well, carrying in pizza for dinner. No one’s eyes met mine but they were aware of my presence as Zayn grabbed another plate and set it out for me.

“Can we talk?” I blurted out quietly, fearing rejection but knowing these were my four best mates and they would have to give me a chance, wouldn’t they? 

“What’s there to say Harry? The only person you should be talking to is Charlie but you willingly missed out on that opportunity” Louis said coldly. He was my best friend but when it came down to it he really was 5’10” of sass. 

“I just couldn’t do it okay?” I burst into tears, which wasn’t like me. The boys had seen me cry when we lost x-factor, and I was almost positive Lou had seen a tear sneak out in front of the boys last night, but this was a full on ugly cry and they hardly expected it.

 LOUIS

I couldn’t even look at him. While he was stuffed up in his room feeling sorry for himself I had called Charlie, and she was in the same condition as he was, but she had a reason to feel heartbroken. Every atom on my body wanted to sock him one for every tear she cried over him. I sat on the phone with her for an hour as she wondered what she did wrong, if this whole time he was playing her, why he didn’t feel the same way. In my heart I knew he did. I knew how he felt, he had told me – and he didn’t even really have to, I could see it. It was so real, all of it; but the way he left her hanging… What was that? I wanted so badly to comfort my Charlotte and fill her in on every little detail he loved about her but it wasn’t my place to tell her how he felt, that one was on Harry.

I didn’t intend cutting him any slack, but when he unexpectedly broke into tears I panicked. I wanted to erase all the pain he was feeling but I felt a bit powerless. I really wanted to do something for a friend but I just couldn’t. The only one who could stop the pain was Charlie, I was certain of it. I hurried over to him, dropping all my anger toward him and put my arm around his shoulder as he buried his face in the crook of my neck sobbing uncontrollably. 

Liam, Niall, Zayn and I all exchanged worried glances but waited for him to let his feelings out.

“I’m not a dick. I know that’s what you’re all thinking and I get it. I get it okay? But you just, you just don’t understand. I couldn’t face her… not because I didn’t want to but because seeing her face knowing how long it would be 'til I would again? I didn’t have the heart to do that to myself” he rambled on between sobs, his words coming out even unimaginably slower than normal as he fought back tears. His quickened breath interrupted him between each word, trying desperately to calm himself down before he continued. The tears came to an end but the hurt in his eyes was far from gone. “I know how selfish it is but I knew that saying goodbye to her would break my heart. But leaving her high and dry probably is hurting me more than its hurting her. I love her, you guys. I’ve never felt this way before. She listens to me when I talk and cares about what I have to say. She laughs at my jokes because she thinks there funny not because she’s trying to impress me. She spends time with me because she wants to get to know me not because she wants the world to get to know her. She doesn’t give a shit that I’m Harry Styles from One Direction. She still looks at me like I’m the eight-year-old boy next door. She doesn’t wear a ton of make up or skimpy clothing, she doesn’t beg for my attention but she gains it, fully, for being herself. I used to be completely drawn to girls the exact opposite of her, but being in her presence has changed everything, so suddenly. But I made a stupid selfish mistake and now I’m sure she hates me and I can’t have you guys hating me too!”