Born Of Pain (A Lords of the Underworld FanFiction)

A Family Affair: Part 1

I smiled. "Yeah, or a little rest, mom. It's okay for you to sleep once in a while."

"It is, but someone has to look after you. Only the gods know what kind of trouble you'd be getting into if you didn't have me to keep you in line," she retorted after rolling her eyes.

I cracked a laugh. She was right, after all.

At my door, mom turned around and said, "Oh, and by the way, Ren. Earlier when I was talking about changes to your body I wasn't talking about puberty."

Then she left the room, letting her final comment hang in the air.

I sighed, wondering what she meant, but always feeling horrible about the lies that I had weaved, so easily. With a shake of my head I walked over to my bathroom, with the intention to start my cleaning adventure there, making sure to let my big toe slam into the side of the doorway on the way, basking in the sharp throb of my newest injury.

***

*Renier's POV*

That didn't last long. Shortly after I began cleaning my bathroom all motivation left me to clean but instead returned with the crippling urges. The hurtful urges. The urge to hurt myself. To shred myself and when there is nothing left to shred, still try to shred some more. If there is nothing of myself left, move on to the being closest to me.

Now, I'm sitting in my chair, curled in on myself, staring at my corner. It must be my favorite corner in my room or something because every time I go in one of my episodes, as I like to call it, my eyes always zoom on that one area. Then I just zone out. Trying to ignore my thoughts and my cravings. Trying to rationalize with the most carnal parts of myself. It's futile and always fails, but I assume it's just about the process.

Suddenly, my bedroom door swung open, rudely interrupting the perfect view of my corner. I prepared myself for my mother to bust in and scold me for not cleaning my room as I had promised, but it was someone else entirely. Well an entirely different two people if I want to be technical.

"Hey cous," Urban addressed as he sauntered in my room with complete utter confidence and a careless smile stretched across his face. He plopped on my bed and quickly scanned my room. "Damn, its a mess in here."

"Yeah, I know," I acknowledged. "Mom has been on me about getting it clean. I started to but I just lost focus."

"Well, Ren, if I was your mom I'd be on you ass to get this room clean too. It's a mess! It's almost to the point where we just need to burn it all. Okay, all but the porno mags. I'll be more than happy to remove that clutter," Urban joked.

I forced a laugh. "You know I don't have that shit."

He shrugged. "Yeah, you're right. There's nothing even worth salvaging. I'll go get the blow torch! You in, Ever?"

Urban twin sister laughed while shaking her head no. "Leave him alone, Urban. The only thing worth burning is that tacky outfit. It looks like something off that show Jersey Shore."

"Hey, if that's what it takes to get some, then so be it!"

"The only thing you'll be getting is a disease with the things you have sex with," I retorted, smugly. Enjoying myself while interacting in some light family teasing.

"Dr., PLEASE, take away the pain, but not the swelling!" Urban mocked what his reaction would be.

We all busted out laughing,

"Man, it really feels good to laugh like this," I remarked, while wiping tears from my eyes. "I haven't felt this good in a while."

Everyone got silent. Not like an awkward judgemental silence. But a contemplative silence, one in which they were decided where to continue with this conversation. Finally, Ever decided on what she wanted to say. "Speaking of which, and I don't mean to pry but I am genuinely curious. What has been going on with you?"

My heart stopped as I tried to scramble comprehensible words together for a half way decent response. "Nothing, I'm fine," I replied, trying to flash a convincing smile.

Urban grunted. "Bullshit," he said. "We all know something is going on. You are just too damn stubborn to tell us. I don't know why you are so keen on hiding it from us. Especially Ever and I. We are your cousins. We are family. Hell, I'll go as far as saying we are best friends because we've always been there for one another. I don't see why you will not let us be there for you now."

Ever gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Ren, there is nothing you can do or say to scare us away. But, you can push us away, and that is what you have been doing recently," her gentle voice tickled my eardrums. She can be a crazy bat out of hell at times but then there are times she can be a genuine nurturer, much like her mother, Ashlyn.

"Okay, but you have to promise not to tell anyone what I tell you. I don't know what to think of it just yet."

They just looked at me, eyes wide with anticipation, as if I was about to tell them where to find the most precious treasure. Once they realized I would commence until I got their agreement, they nodded, urging me to continue.

I sighed, trying to decide whether I'm relieved about finally being able to come clean or if I am already regretting it. But there is no going back yet, I already teased them with the opportunity. "I don't really know how to describe it. It started a few months ago as this strange urge that I couldn't really place. It started driving me crazy. And, well.. eventually I was able to figure out what the urge was..."

Urban sprang up and shouted, "SEX! It's sex! You need to get laid!" Ever shot out her arm to slap her brother but even that didn't hinder his enthusiasm. "It has to be it! Either that or you're gay."

Ever slapped him harder and forced him to sit down. "Shut up, Urban. Please, go on, Ren. And ignore asshole," she said as she cast a glance at her brother who is much bigger in size than her. The funny thing though, despite their significant difference is size, is that Ever could easily take her brother in a fight, which she has done many of times in the past.

"The urge is to.... hurt myself. And it gets stronger and worse until I can't handle it anymore."

Then the awkward silence came, as my cousins processed the information.

"Well," Ever said, dragging out the ending of the word as she contemplated what was best to say. "If I remember correctly, your father had those same urges."

"Ever," Urban warned.

"E, " I spoke, my tone stern. "I am nothing like him."

She just stared at me, with pain in her eyes. Pain from my tone, but also pain from knowing I am struggling. I guess that's what I am good for. Pain. Pain given to myself and apparently giving pain to other people, even those closest to me. Aggravation bubbled up from deep within me.

"Yo, Ren, don't go off looking into space with us," Urban said as he snapped in my face. "We are just here to help you out. We had no intention of stepping on your toes or anything. Look, I have an idea-"

"Oh, great, Urban has an idea. Ren, we better run for our lives." Ever flashed me a wry grin as she gave her sibling a hard time.

"Hey, you ass munch," Urban snapped at Ever, "give this idea a chance. Not all of them end in failure."

"Hm, yeah only 98.7% of them."

"Cut me some slack, 96.3%."

"Okay, what is your idea Urban," I said, interrupting the twins playful idea.

A devious grin split across his face. "Let's go out. Have some fun. Let loose a little. It might be good for you, to get out of the four walls of your..... horribly trashed room," he said as he gave another disgusted sweep of my room.

"I don't know....," I replied.

"Come on, Ren, it'll be fun. We won't get you in too much trouble, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die!" Urban promised. I must be a fool for believing he meant his statement, since he has never been good at keeping promises.

While I was debating on whether I should join them on their expedition or not, they begged me to agree with their eyes, the epitome of peer pressure.

"Fine, but nothing too crazy," I agreed. What am I thinking? I questioned myself and my sanity.

"Awesome," they both exclaimed as they hopped up and began to get ready.