.''I hate you, I love you''.

-18-

Ashira's pov:

I woke up in cold sweat and terror.

I rolled in a ball and prayed for it to stop.

after a while the initial paralysing fear left me, I got up and went to my bathroom, nothing had changed in my room after I left with was kind of comforting.

I splashed water on my face with a sigh, gripping the side of the sink with a frown and my hair hanging in my face.... I'm sorry.... it's my fault.... it's all my fault!

I knocked the pill containers of the sink in anger at myself, punching the mirror with my working right hand.

the mirror shattered but didn't fall out of its frame so I didn't get hurt.

I sighed and picked up the containers one after the other since my left hand is kind of unusable, those bullets really did fuck it up a lot, I have problems even moving my fingers.... I know I'll need therapy for it but I'm worried I won't be able to play guitar anymore.... it feels like that's the only thing left for me.

Lauren's pov:

I sighed while filling out forms.

you see I'm still just a sort of assistant since I only have two years of experience on the job, this therapy institute was joined to a hospital so it was not uncommon for them to work over and us to do the same since some patient could need therapy of sorts.

my eyes have been stuck on a certain name for a while now.

Ashira Blackblood / check on arm healing / most likely will need help with remastering arm / probable mental trauma

I need to get someone to agree to let me take care of her because even if she wouldn't want to see me outside of this building she still would need to come round for check-ups.

I needed to do a lot of promises and promise favours to a lot of people but I finally got her case for myself.... let's just pray she doesn't murder me when she sees me.

Ashira's pov:

"mama you can't do that! yes I got hurt and left because of her but you can't penalise her whole family who have done nothing to me!" I stood in disbelief, I thought mama would be a bit more diplomat then this "you can't punish people related to the Lamp leach because they have the same blood"

"you saying you forgive her?!"

"no! of course not.... but her sister is not her, her mother is not her, her father is not her.... only the Lamp leach is the Lamp leach not anyone else, don't make them suffer for something she did.... you don't know what you did to anyone of that family by making them pay to be able to stay in town"

"okay.... wait.... I know you said you didn't forgive her but.... I can tell in your voice you aren't against it"

"I'm an adult mama, I will behave civilly with her if I see her not like the 19-year-old hot headed kid I was, violence solves nothing, you can take my words for it"

"true...... but I still don't like the fact that you are so casual about this"

"it's the past, everything changes, people change...... and heck, maybe even that Lamp leach grew a few more brain cells and act her age"

"I will do as you ask of me but I warn you, anything that could and may happen between both of you and that family will be my problems no more, you deal with them yourself and yourself alone"

"yeah, I'm 22 mama, I was in a war zone, watched my man die and killed multiple myself, you think I can't deal with such trivial things?...... where is Flash anyway, she was around a few minutes ago"

"I asked her to bring food for your friend" I smiled a little.

"you know.... each year all she asked for was you to come back" I sighed.

"for all three years?" mama nodded, brushing her brown hair out of her face and staring at me with her blue eyes.

"you should hang with her, she missed you a lot, Dash, Jake and your mother and I missed you too.... not talking about the rest of the family and your friends"

"I know I know and I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you guys since I'm stuck here now" that last part was said in a joking manner.

"you know.... if you don't mind me asking this, I know it's been 3 years but, that linear scar on your face?"

"you seriously waited so long to ask?"

"yep" I rolled my eyes and answered her question and even more questions about the last three years but I was mostly stuck in my mind on the conversation we had....

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would I be able to be civil with the person that caused all this? you I be able to behave like the adult I am? have I really learned from the past?

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we'll see if I ever ran into her somewhere.