You're Still The One

numb.

Harry stood a few inches away. His stare smoldering, like he were peering into my soul. I think he was trying to find the Charlie he once knew, but suddenly came the realization that she's gone.

"Why are you staring at me?" I finally asked.

"I don't know," he said, his green eyes still piercing. "You're different Charlie."

Boy, was I right.

"Assuming that you're in town for Melissa's wedding, I guess I'll see you there" I said. "If I feel like going. It all depends on my mood that day." Harry's gaze finally dropped. He looked utterly disappointed in me. What can I say? Disappointing people is my specialty. Of course, I wouldn't actually miss my sisters wedding. I just have to pretend like I don't really care. When in actuality, I care far too much. "Thanks again for taking care of me," I mentioned one more time before leaving the hotel room.

Harry had let me go. Just like everyone always did.

                                                                             *'~*'~*'~*'~*

I walked for about two hours straight, the weight of my bag was finally beginning to take a toll on my back. I ended up sitting on the sidewalk for another two hours pondering everything that ever went wrong in my life. I had nothing better to do than to dwell in self pity.

It's been almost fifteen years since my father died. He was beaten to death and robbed, just walking to his car after a long day at work. Messed up, right? I was only seven years old when he was taken away from me. Melissa and I didn't have many memories with him because my parents divorced when we were just three years old. The only memories I had with my father were spent on birthdays and holidays and even those memories were a distant blur.

My mom only perished a year ago. I'm still very sensitive to the subject. She was my heaven on earth, my best friend, that woman was everything to me. I told her all my secrets, insecurities; she knew everything about me and I knew everything about her. People would always tell me how much I favored my mom and how Mel looked like our dad. That's beside the point, I feel like I let her down in a major way. The past few years, I've been getting in a shit ton of trouble. The people I hung around, the guy I dated were all bad influences on me. Well actually, I wouldn't say they influenced me. I knew right from wrong and I chose to do the wrong thing. No ones to blame but me. I was just trying to fill the hole in my heart. The hole that Harry dug up. I don't think Harry knew, but he was everything to me. I am pretty certain I was in love with the boy. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm going to start from the beginning. Ignore everything I just said.

My mom and Harry's Mom were the best of friends, they went to high school together and were inseparable. My mom mentioned some matching tattoos on a body part that I will not specify.

When my parents divorced, my mom moved the three of us from London, England to America. I remember hearing her say she couldn't stand to live so close to my father who re-married soon after. It hurt her too much. We'd still visit Anne, Harry's mom; and spend our summer break in London every year. Like I said they were close, practically sisters. Harry, his older sister Gemma, myself and Melissa had no choice but to grow up together. It was awesome. We got into a lot of trouble as kids.

One summer night, our parents threw a wicked house party that we weren't allowed to be apart of. It was Harry's idea to sneak into the kitchen and steal their beer. The adults hardly even noticed. Melissa was such a good kid. She wanted no part of it. Too afraid to let loose and have a good time. I'm getting off track again. Anyway, Harry and I got pissy drunk. I ended up telling him just how much I liked him (big mistake) and Harry took my virginity (even bigger mistake). And Harry never spoke to me since. Well, today was the first time we spoke since that one summer at his house. Not too long after that, I heard that he went and auditioned for 'the x factor'. I bet you can imagine how that made me feel. He was my only friend besides Melissa. I just wish things could have been different, ya know? If he didn't like me in that way he could have told me. I wouldn't have pressured him to be with me, if that's not what he wanted. Yes, it would have sucked, but it hurt a lot more not having him as a friend.