YUKI-To Move Forward: Prelude 1

Chapter 17: Passing of Time

"Damn it! Why won't he wake up?!"

My screaming attracted the attention of a few bystanders, who quickly lost interest in the pathetic little girl yelling at a wall. Beside me, Rosa stepped forward and put a golden mitten on my shoulder.

"Alison, come on. You can't be losing hope now. He's so close, I can tell."

I turned to face her, and almost flinched at the blinding optimism of Kazu's sister. She was so hopeful, it was almost inspiring.

Almost.

But to me, it felt empty.

Most things did these days.

"How old are you again? Sixteen? You sure are mature for your age, ain't ya? Just a real bundle of optimism."

"Alison..."

"What? What can you even say right now? How many months has it been since he's even tasted a meal? How many days has he gone without a single person lifting his spirits! How long has he slept, and how much longer will he continue to sleep? Can he even wake up at this point? Is this all just a waste of time? Is he already..."

It was too cold to cry. Instead, I just fell to my knees and hid. I looked pathetic, I knew that. What college-level student did something so humiliating? And yet, I didn't care.

Rosa didn't care, either.

She kneeled down, and pat my head.

Pitifully.

"It's okay, Alison. Everything will turn out fine. Know how I know? It's 'cause I'm fine. Kazu's not the strongest guy around, but he always picks himself back up, no matter how far he falls. And I'm always there for him until then. And now you are, too. That's why I know he'll be fine. He is fine. Because he's got such wonderful people looking after him."

When I raised my head, she was beaming at me. It hurt more than I could believe to stare at that face, but I couldn't bring myself to look away.

Despite the cold, I began to cry.

The snowfall worsened with my heartache, and the glimpse of hope I had thought existed grew distant. Light was swallowed by shadows, as the passing of time waiting for none. No one comforted me; no one knew me. Kazu was the only person who spoke to me for more than formalities, and without him, I felt the loneliness of my past life return hauntingly. His two best friends visited, but no comfort came to me through them. Rosa spent as much time as I did with her brother, if not more. I didn't know her, so her presence failed to cut through the shadows consuming the light. My classmates and my Squad reassured me that it would be fine, but they didn't know me either. Days melded together, weeks became a blur, and months refused to wait for the end of the coma. The doctors could only feign certainty of his awakening, or fake assurances of his stability. Even Rosa, the kind, warm, jumpy girl who always smiled in the face of despair began to weep.

"That's quite a scary look you've got there, Leader."

"Shut up, Francis." I said that, but I knew he wouldn't. Francis didn't have the capability to shut up, no matter where or to whom.

Sure enough, he responded exactly as expected.

"Hey now, careful, or the ice might freeze over around us. I don't think I've seen you this cold before."

"What of it?"

"I'm just sayin', you're pretty hung up about somebody who you haven't seen in months."

"That's exactly why, moron. It's because I haven't seen him..."

"And that's the problem," he concluded.

What?

What was he talking about?

He continued, "You're letting the world leave you behind as you sit around grouching about. It's stupid to the point of being silly. I don't know how somebody can act so childish beyond grade school. You have a Squad now, and you're ignoring them. Studies, connections, even health are all secondary issues that you're just tossing to the side. It isn't good for you."

"So?"

"Stop it."

"Why? What do you care?"

He stopped for a moment, legitimately considering the question.

"Well, that's a toughie. If I had to be honest, I'd say it's because I can. Maybe it's fun to be involved in things like this, or maybe I somehow find myself bothered that you're throwing yourself away. The 'why' doesn't really matter, though. You're the focus, not me, and you need to take responsibility. Dig your feet out of the sand and start walking again. Otherwise, when the tide comes in, you won't be able to fight it. And who knows, maybe Kazuki will wake. Maybe he's further up the shore than you. If that's the case, then what if he wakes to find that you're buried head-first in moist sand? Do you really want to drown just because you're worried about something you have literally no influence on? I thi–"

"Stop running your mouth, Francis, I don't want to hear it. Not from you, at the very least."

He stopped mid-sentence, and pursed his lips.

"Fine. Have it your way, Leader," he spoke harshly, and trudged off out of sight.

April.

How long has it been since I've heard the voice of my ally, of my friend? His face remained, but his voice, his warmth slowly slipped away from my grasp. How could I open my fearful heart to anyone for so long, and have it torn away by something so cruel? Rosa had lost every bounce in her stride, and the doctors grew worried of her condition as much as Kazu's. It felt just like that time when Zhihao passed. I had lost everything I had tried to protect, to savor. And just like that time, there was nothing I could do but watch.

Instead of facing my brother's grave, I ran away.

Instead of moving forward, I'm drowning in my sorrow.

Several days later, I visited the hospital once again. I expected to see Rosa kneeling on the floor, or hovering over the bed, yelling and pleading in a desperate attempt to communicate with her inanimate brother. When I came in the door, however, Rosa wasn't inside the room. My eyes drifted tiredly with dead hope to the boy's face, and for the first time in six months, three days and fourteen hours, coal-black eyes reflecting my own stared back.