Petty Crime ✓ maxian

!five¡

[merry christmas from your least favorite disgrace, me]

"You might have to step up your game and sleep with our lawyer if we want to be able to pay for this shit," Chad jokes as they eat.

"No way," Max snorts, before taking a sip of his drink.

"Hurry up, we're supposed to leave in ten minutes!" Jeff whines as he eats another cookie.

Max rolls his eyes and finishes up his food. Chad groans, since the fat cunt wanted to eat his leftovers. Jeff and Max both rush off, since the rule is last one at the table cleans up. Chad groans louder and snacks on Jeff's leftovers as he cleans up. Max gets ready by throwing on some clean clothes. He meets Jeff and Chad in the living room and they head off. Max drives, of course, since Chad and Jeff have already had some small(?) amount of alcohol. They met Ian in the parking lot and he takes them in. Once they're all ready it's pretty easy from there.

"Now, would you sue a small child for losing their ball over your fence and going to collect it? No, and this is no different," Ian states.

"How do you know if that was their plan to get away if they were caught? You don't!" The man argues.

"Because even they aren't dumb enough to film themselves doing something illegal," Ian says calmly, knowing this is probably a lie.

After going over the film, which wasn't even needed because they would win anyway, they won. Chad and Jeff smirk, shit talking the guy that sued them. Max just rolls his eyes, but a smile slips onto his face. The old man is really fucking pissed, and it's quite entertaining. Ian meets them outside at Max's car. Jeff and Chad are arguing over where to get 'victory dinner'. Max waits outside the car as they get in to talk to Ian without them, Ian seems to be doing the same thing.

"Is your boyfriend always drunk?" Ian asks sarcastically.

"Ha ha, very funny. I'm not gay for your information," Max snorts.

"The way you act, especially around me, seems to prove that false," Ian winks.

"Are you flirting with me or being a smart ass?" Max jokes with a small smile.

"If I was flirting with you I'd compliment your ass or some gay shit," Ian chuckles.

"Why thank you for that great compliment," Max says, overreacting.

"Seems you like it when I flirt, you're really not helping your case," Ian smirks.

"I hate foreplay, just ask me out already," Max jokes, with fake annoyance.

"I had more lines but whatever, princess. How does tomorrow at noon sound?" Ian replies smoothly.

"Wait- what?" Max asks, suddenly confused.

"In case you couldn't tell by all the evidence, my gay ass just asked you on a date, case closed," Ian chuckles.

"Yes! I mean- just don't tell anyone- it'll be between us, yeah?" Max tries to play it off.

"Wasn't planning on coming out of the closet myself, it's more fun in the dark," Ian winks before walking away.

Max just stands there for a minute, going over what just happened. Right now Max just wants to wipe that stupid smirk off his face. But he decides that can be done tomorrow. Acting like nothing happened Max gets in the driver's seat and buckles his seatbelt. Chad and Jeff stop arguing and look over at him. They both give him a questioning look. Max starts driving and gives them a look as to 'what are you staring at?'. The fact he's going on a date with his male lawyer just hasn't set in.

"What were you talking to him about?" Jeff asks.

"Just about the money and stuff," Max shrugs.

"Leave it to Max to always be the "adult" of the group," Chad rolls his eyes, finger quoting the word 'adult'.

"That's because one of us has to pretend to be the adult, and you guys are shit at it," Max retorts.

Knowing they've been beat, they quiet down. Jeff messes around with the radio from the backseat. Some arguing later they're on some station playing the 'top hits' and headed to eat. Amazingly no fighting took place in trying to decide where to eat. But that's probably only because they're in the car. Being the Aussie he is, Max gets angry at the person in front of them and they almost get in a crash. Thankfully they make it to the restaurant with no wounds prior.

"So since we won so easily we don't have to pay much, right?" Jeff asks.

"I'm working on the money situation," Max answers.

"By that I assume it's a lot of money and you're getting in his pants to pay for it," Chad chimes in.

"First of all, yes it's still a lot of money. And no I'm not, I'm not gay I'm just gonna try to bargain," Max retorts.

"So by bargain you mean getting in his pants instead of paying," Chad stands his ground.

Max just huffs angrily and glares at him, thankfully the waiter comes by. They order and go back to talking about whatever comes to mind. The conversation starts with youtube, and their future collab they're going to try to get filthy frank in on. Plenty of jokes are made of luring in Joji with their lawyer or some other gay shit. All in all, gay jokes never get old and are just fun to make. Although you could say the same thing about racist jokes. In the end it's all satire though, so does it really fucking matter?

"By the way I'm gonna use the car tomorrow. Gotta be somewhere by noon, not sure when I'll be back," Max eventually slides into the conversation.

"Why?" Jeff asks, seeming annoyed.

"Because it's my car. I'll take you guys to the movies or something on my way," Max answers.

"You going on a date or something and trying to get rid of us?" Chad asks suspiciously.

"Yes, I don't want you guys to scare her away," Max says somewhat truthfully.

"Good idea, Jeff would probably try to steal her, even if she's not hot," Chad snickers.

"Says the one who did that exact thing before," Jeff snaps angrily.

"At least I have some standers!" Chad argues.

"Just shut up and eat!" Max says in annoyance.

[its about 3am, christmas day, I have no idea if this is shit or not.. but it sure is gay af]