Loving You is Hard, Especially When I Hate You.

Waking Up

When I got up to the studio I found Jamie already stretching. I sat down next to her smiling before stretching a bit.

“so!” she said a little amused. “Josh said you had a bit of fun last night.” she wiggled her eyebrows. I stopped stretching and looked down at the ground. Thanks Jamie. Thanks.

“unfortunately.” she sat up crossing her legs frowning at me.

“what? Did you not remember any of it? Was it not good? Was he ugly?!” she went on. I laughed at the last one before shutting her up.

“no, I didn't remember and I wish he was ugly, I wish he was someone I didn't know-”

“you hooked up with someone you know? Oh god don't tell me you hooked up with Michael!” I cringed at the thought of even touching Michael.

“ew, no! Why would you ever think that?!” she dramatically wiped her forehead and sighed in relief causing me to laugh.

“sorry, just checking. I mean I didn't want you ending up having your first one night stand with Mr. Mc douche bag.” and that's when it hit me. I had just had my first one night stand. Something I promised I would never do. Something that I felt so disgusted with I hated even thinking about having one. And the worst part was … I had it with my ex. Who just happens to hate me now.

.

“NO! WHAT?! ARE YOU JOKING?!” Jaime and Josh yelled as I finished telling them what happened. They both wanted to know who mystery boy was. And well... I told them. Everything from when I woke up to when he left. Because that seemed to be the only thing I remembered. They both listened quietly as I told them everything. But towards the end they both started getting ansty. And now Josh looked like he was going to kill someone and Jaime looked bewildered.

“where is he? I'll kill him.” Josh said angrily standing up. I put my hands on his shoulders to hold him back from marching to the door.

“calm down Josh!” I said pushing him back on the seat. “you don't need to worry he is out of my life for good. I wont see him again.” Josh sighed pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. He was obviously pissed off. Ever since Josh and I moved in together he has been like my older brother, over protective and caring- with a side of annoying-. Whenever there was a guy looking at me he would make sure to 'intimate' them and they would leave. He was the big brother when my real one or Zayn wasn't around. Speaking of Zayn.

“i'm calling Zayn. I need to talk to him, see if he knows anything.” I said pulling my phone of out my back pocket and searched for his number. I waited through two rings till Zayn picked up.

“Rena would you care to explain why Liam came home and was muttering something about you? And why he is pissed off?” he said angrily into the phone. I took a deep breath not wanted to just scream in Zayn's ear.

“oh hey Rena, haven't heard from you in a while! How are you?” I said sarcastically. I heard him let out a deep breath.

“sorry, just you know how I' am, hey Rena.”

“hey Zayn, and I could tell you but then you have to promise that you wont get mad because I don't remember any of it...”

.

After telling Zayn everything, he drove over to my flat so we could talk. I was a bit nervous, seeing as he was completely emotionless on the phone. He did that when things where complicated. He always seemed to try and stay calm but only ended up seeming uninterested and hard to read. Zayn was a guy who liked to keep his emotions to himself. I had never seen him cry.. ever. Not after his long time girlfriend, Trina broke up with him. Not when he fell of his by when he was 7. not even when his grandfather died during the X factor, and that was the toughest time in his life.

Jamie went back to her flat and Josh was in the kitchen. I on the other hand was having a mental break down. I felt like I had just lost my virginity all over again. Except this time with someone that hated me. I felt like breaking down and crying. He just had to be the one I went home with. I bugged me I couldn't even remember anything that happened. It was just a complete haze. And that made me feel even worse. The fact that I just went and had sex with Liam, and I probably wouldn't have even known if Liam wasn't there when I woke up. I could have just gone on with my life thinking I just went out and partied with my friends and nothing strange happened. And I kind of wished that had happened.

There was a knock at the door signaling Zayn had made it to my flat. I got up and opened the door. Zayn rushed in pulling me into a hug. “God Rena it's been too long.” he mumbled into my hair. I wrapped my arms around him pulling him closer.

“agreed.”

“okay before we get into this... what the fuck were you thinking? Just dumping him and leaving? You scared the shit out of both of us.” I held back the tears I had been battling for a while now.

“I- I'm sorry Zayn.. I just- i-” he hushed me pulling me back into a hug.

“Sorry, I guess I've been holding that in for so long. I just needed to get it out. Maybe bad idea to tell you though..” I laughed shaking my head.

“it's fine... I used to hate myself for breaking it off with him... but now...”

“Liam is being a hell of an ass. I don't even understand why he would say those things. You know he never told me what happened between you two? He just kept saying it didn't work out. What did happen?”

I looked at my feet shuffling under his gaze. “um.. we just , got into a fight.” he gave me that look. The look I knew all too well, it was the look that meant 'your going to have to tell me more than that'. I knew that meant he wasn't going to drop it till I told him everything. I sighed sitting back down on the sofa and running my hands through my hair. It was becoming a sort of habit when I was stressed. Something to give my hands something to do. To calm myself down in these situations. I took a deep breath before telling Zayn what I didn't tell anyone else

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so what do you think? :) xx love you guys lots! my summer tan is coming along amazingly! will try to upload tomorrow and monday, getting my hair cut tuesday and have to go somewhere so i wont be on but i will post a pic on twitter for anyone who wants to see my hair :) Lots of Love guys your all fantasitcal -Me! xx <333