This is a collection of my one shot fan-fic's and story's/scenarios. Some of this is just whatever I felt like writing it's random .... Some of these are sexual.
Some of these are fill in's (put your name in or who ever else's)
Some of these are Gir...
Okay so yesterday It was decided that a friendship between me and one of my ex's must come to an end. I've known this person for quite some time now, a few years (Maybe 4-5 years to be exact.) Before I had claimed this person as my boyfriend he was deemed my best friend. I was particularly excited about that because I always wanted a best friend of an opposite gender.
Me and this boy have had plenty of ups and downs throughout our relationships. Some even driving us to be apart for a long time. Although I grew to be very attached to him even after we went about 2 years not talking nor being friends, I found that there's something about him that I draw to very strongly. And due to certain parts of our history together I think i can say the same on his part that there's something that draws him to me.
This year we had reconnected after years of being apart (Friendship wise not physically, we still attend school together.) I think maybe it happened around September. I think it might have been me this time that went back to him. Not to start up a friendship I just wanted someone to help me with school work and stuff. But even that little bit counts I guess so I'll give him that.
Umm during our separation for those years I can honestly say I felt as if I had went through hell and back. I sent a lot of time sobbing and wondering why. I had a lot of questions unanswered and a bunch of built up emotions I didn't know how to handle. I had sunk to a very low point in my life. Eventually I had pushed through it and when I did I had developed a new attitude and although I can honestly say things got better for me I had also dragged along some dark parts. Although I had got through my depression I did in fact drag along new insecurities I hadn't had before and some new bad habits such as drinking and being lazy as shit and also heavy procrastination.
Anyways, despite all that I had also became a lot happier and although i'm still a bit lazy and still most definitely procrastinate like hell; I had picked up some new healthier habits. I was going on walks/ taking time to think to myself, I started new hobbies such as writing/ fashion/ studying/ sport practice and cooking (baking rather because I suck at cooking T.B.H.) I was spending a lot of time just doing things for me, bettering myself, becoming happy again with who I am. I had also lost a lot of hair when I was depressed due to me either ripping it out or cutting it when I could stand to look at myself in the mirror. So my hair has also grown back and it's still a bit damaged but its healthier than it was before.
I found that when I had reconnected with this particular person that there was a change. Even though my friends and family had told me I became much happier since he was back in my life I had noticed quite the opposite. Don't misunderstand, I was happy that he was back in my life. I am very joyful and grateful of that but I wasn't happy at the same time. I noticed yesterday after he left my house and I took a nap I had a dream. After waking up very angry from the reality of this dream I texted him. I decided to stall as I texted him because something inside me said not to text him out of anger. So I tried to calm myself a bit.
I will admit though I was still very angered and annoyed but I don't like wasting time on the same thing. (I know i'm a hypocrite) I realized that it's not particularly him that annoys me or turns me into this ball of sadness and anger but rather the fact that he is carrying a lot of negative vibes with him. He want's to be happy I can see that but he doesn't know how to detach himself from the things that bring him such negativity. Seeing how I care for him so much and we are as close as we are, whatever he carries I carry too.
The 2 years I spent away from him was a rough ride and I grew and came out better. But from what I can see he spent those 2 years basically avoiding the realities of his life instead of facing them. He's aware of them but he hasn't taken action. I don't feel I am helping him by shadowing him and trying to help him carry his weight. If I help him he won't know his true strength, he won't grow from it. So although yesterday after we chose not to be together anymore I was shocked because I didn't cry and I don't exactly feel sad but rather I felt relieved and I feel more energetic which is strange to me. (I will admit though I'm a bit disappointed because we were rebuilding a bond and we were working on getting closer.)
I hope that he can realized that there's not one but multiple different things that is holding him back from growing. I didn't want him to think we ended on bad terms because I had an attitude when that choice was made so I gave him one last word of advice as a friend before making it official. I noticed in the past month that he is really drawn to media, particularly when he's not on such a bright road. I noticed that the media he sees when he feels this way is not necessarily positive.
I don't want him to feel bad and then be dragged down further. So I advised him to changed his media to more positive things. Hopefully he will take that advice and maybe do simple stuff like follow positive pages on tumblr and look at art that isn't so dark. I was going to unfriend and unfollow him on my accounts but I decided not to for 2 reasons.
1. being that I don't want him to think I stopped being his friend because I no longer care about him. That's not the case. I do in fact still want to be his friend but I feel we reconnected at a bad time and he has things he needs to work on before we can join ties again, as do I.
Reason number 2. I do worry that he was mad at me and he'll choose not to take that advice I gave him. So although I just said I think its a bad idea baby him. I'm still going to baby him just a little from a distance and post more positive stuff because maybe he hasn't changed his setting where he can't see my post and I can shed some light for not just him and me but maybe for others too.
Yesterday's goodbye wasn't because I don't ever want to see him again. Yesterday's goodbye was because I need not to back track anymore and he needs to get on course again. I also low key feel as if him seeing me as a emotional wreck and him knowing I was like that because of him wasn't helping him. He's kinda stuck on the fact that he thinks everyone's life sucks because of him. Even so he refuses to admit that's what he feels but I know him well enough to know what he's feeling. That's not true though.
He's not the reason for the negativity in people's lives. He actually brings a lot of joy to a lot of people. He's just a bit off. He's too hung up on trying to save everyone all at once. He's trying to do it all for them rather than showing them how it's done. He must first learn how to take care of himself if he wants to know how to take care of others.
I encourage him to go on a self reflection journey. He wants to go for 2 years but I think he should go for 3 instead. Just so he gets the most out of it. Just so he can grow and grow well. He said he won't keep in contact with anyone when he goes and that honestly still worries me but I think It's a good Idea. If he's left alone to think by himself with no distractions he can make progress. I was writing him a book to help him on his journey but once again I'll be babing him and plus I'm not thinking it's a good idea because I've been writing things in it that aren't on topic of growing but rather little love letters. I'm not going to delete it but I might not post certain parts or not post it at all... I haven't made up my mind yet.
He's a smart boy and very wise so I know he can get through it on his own.
So now that we are going our separate ways I hope that he can do so. And maybe if it's meant to be our paths will cross again. If not that's ok too I will still have the time that we shared together to cherish. I wish him the best of luck.
And if we do happen to cross paths again and all is well we can go get those tattoos we talked about. Just with the signature too but on the wrist. (I feel like you might see this anyways knowing you.)
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