One Shot's / Other stuff

Still Denying it. (A Different Kind Of Love Story: Beginning/Personal ) 3

As time when by we started drifting apart. It didn't help that there was this other girl in the picture now too. I didn't like her from the start but I damn sure hated her when she became apart of or issue. As if we weren't already seporating she mangaged to wedge herself in to speed up the process. It began to feel like i was falling deeper in love with him as he started to fall more and more for her. I began to get jelous and insecure, I began to hate her and my trust for him grew thin. I also tryed to make him feel jelous because it was starting to feel like the only time he payed attention to me. That and I wanted to know if he cared. Everytime we talked some how she'd become the topic of converstion or it would have something to do with her. When we hung out we hung out around her. When he'd go to call me he'd say her name... And it always ate at me everyday. I lived by this rule that if I was dating someone I wouldn't even have to worry about the topic of cheating or if they talked about another person because if they were with me I had nothing to worry about. I was never the type to stay in a relationship that even in the slightest felt like the other person wanted someone else even in the slightest.

Then one day I was trying to be a good girlfriend and do something for him... I found something I shouldn't have on is tablet. I was never the type to be nosey and read anybody's personal stuff. But for some reason I did. I found a note. Something very personal I shouldn't have found nor read. The noe basically said that he was falling for her and out of it with me. I was something personal that my eyes shouldn't have seen even if I knew it already. I cried myself to sleep. woke up and cried again and I cried until I was empty. I forced a smile and tried to pretend like I was ok with it because if being with her made him happy well then I was happy too. But I knew I was miserable. I just denied it. I didn't want to feel pain. I was exhausted of crying and feeling pain.

Fast forward I had, had enough pretending to be happy in a relationship with a boy who was completely chasing after another girl and constantly denying it. He was always hanging around her when he thought I wasn't there. I'd stand there and watch him do it. Listen to him talk to her in the hallways catch him staring. I got tired of hearing him lie about it when I said something about it. One day he chose her over me one too many times and I couldn't handle it any more. I broke up with him after school in the school building from opposite sides of the hallway. He didn't even say anything he just walked away like he was waiting for it to happen the whole time.

I was so pissed and so heart broken and felt stupid and embarrassed and I felt regret immediately after those words left my lips... I couldn't even walk on that side of the hallway he was standing at when we broke up anymore after the situation. I avoided coming up the stairs on that side and tried to avoid that area as much as possible even if I had class that way. I started coming late to school so i didn't have to see him with her first thing in the morning. This was some time before my birthday so believe me I was fucked. Actually I had forced him away from her on my birthday. Made him go with me to get cake. Even though I tried to pretend like things were alright between us after several talks with him and whatever. I was always suffering.

I wanted him back I didn't care if he was back as my best friend or boyfriend. I just wanted him back. I knew I couldn't handle just having him as a friend but what else was I supposed to do? It's not like he loved me anymore... We had a argument. Days or weeks after. It was a verbal conversation that turned into a living hell delivered by text. I can't remember what he said nor do I want to remember but I do know after receiving and reading the text the first thing I did was scream. I screamed because I felt terror. I screamed because I was in pain. I screamed because I was heart broken. I screamed because I felt lost. I screamed because I wanted to die.

It didn't come out as separate screams but all at once. Everything I felt belched out of me and only then I knew how vivid love truly is. It was quick and It stained my soul. If there's anything permanently imprinted in my mind is that scream.