small world

chapter 6

The entire time he spoke I never once broke eye contact as I absorbed every word he said. Whenever he said her name my heart fluttered and I couldn’t even explain why – it just happened. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love either” I blurted out “In the past I have told girls I loved them, but I never felt it. I don’t even know what love feels like. But if there’s one thing I know, when I kissed her I felt something, something I have never felt before. It wasn’t like any other kiss I had ever had. It was soft and gentle. There was more behind it than just wanting to make out with her, because that’s not what I wanted – its not what I felt. The feeling was desire. Wanting to know every single thing about her. Wanting to know what her favorite cereal was or what her pet peeves were. Wanting to know what she was for Halloween as a kid and what her favorite songs are. Wanting to know if her heart speeds up the way mine does when she looks at me. Wanting to know if she feels the way I do – whatever this feeling is – and wanting to know if she wants to define that feeling. And maybe I’m crazy, I’m pretty sure I am, but I can’t shake the feeling… it’s like some higher power, some force is drawing me to her. I saw her outside and found myself wanting to be there with her. I saw tears slipping from her eyes and wanted to wipe them away, to make them stop. I feel like its what I’m meant to do, to fix her.” I finished almost out of breath, as if I were racing to get out all my thoughts before Louis could cut me off and tell me I was mad. I needed to tell someone what had been going through my mind, and it needed to be Louis. He needed to know I was just fucking around. He needed to know this was real to me.

 “Just promise me something Harry: don’t break her heart. She’s so hurt – she, she can’t handle it. But maybe this will be good for her, whatever this is between the two of you. I know I haven’t exactly made it seem this way, but there would be nothing I’d love more than for my two best friends to be with each other, I just fear the unknown of what could happen” and as he said that a million and one thoughts went through my mind. Mainly I thought about how heartbroken I would be if she didn’t feel the way I did. But I was in too deep. I couldn’t stop myself from this feeling now.

 “You could be exactly what she needs right now. And for the better, I can already see she’s changed a part of you” he finished, smiling at me.

The mood had completely shifted and I could feel myself starting to exhale at what seemed to have been a blessing from Louis. I felt the weight of the world evaporating off my shoulders. I loved all four of my boys, but Louis was my right hand man, I needed him and he needed me. I hated fighting with my best friend. Things would have quickly went to shit if there was tension between us, and I could feel the mutual sense of relief washed over the two of us as we sat together, comfortably now.

“Do you really think there’s something special about the way she looks at me?” I spoke just barely audible, as if I were wondering out loud. Louis’ eyes met mine and he smiled genuinely before getting up and without a word heading back toward the house.

 CHARLIE

 I woke up earlier than I would have liked, but I couldn’t sleep. I was so anxious to know how Louis and Harry’s conversation played out. When I crawled back into my bed last night, I sat there wondering if Harry had even felt the way I did, or if he was just being the flirty one and hitting on me. Why did I care so much? I sat there in my bed pondering this to myself. There was no denying the all-so-soon feelings I had for Harry. I almost felt ridiculous for already feeling so strongly toward him, but there was just something about him. Not just him but about us, something was evidently there and I wondered if it was just me feeling this way. Lost in thought, I heard footsteps in a distance. I looked over at the clock I had put on my bedside table, 7:23 AM. Why on earth was I awake this early, let alone having such in-depth thoughts for so early in the morning. A light, hesitant knock made contact with my door unexpectedly. I shuffled across the room and opened it with mutual hesitation, but was pleasantly surprised with what was behind it.

“You’re awake,” Harry said with a hint of excitement in his voice that made my heart smile “I hope I didn’t wake you. I just couldn’t sleep any longer and hoped somebody would be up. Would you like to take a drive to the bakery and get breakfast?”

We drove the familiar route to the bakery, with Ed Sheeran’s voice filling the otherwise silent car. 

“We used to come here all the time.” I said smiling, taking in the familiar landscape of Holmes Chapel as it went by in a blur out the window. 

“I worked here for a while before the x-factor. I always thought of you when someone ordered a chocolate drizzled scone” he said peaking over at me for a second and then returning his gaze to the road ahead. I smiled at the memory “Our favorite!” I sat there happily reminiscing over the fuzzy memories I had with Harry. We were so young but I could still faintly remember some of the lost memories we had together.

“Why didn’t we ever stay in contact?” he said softly with a hint of regret in his voice, breaking me from my thoughts. I had wondered the same thing a million times from the moment I discovered who Harry had turned out to be.

“I guess we were just too little” I said sighing.

“I remember the day you guys drove off so vividly all of a sudden. Since you’ve been here all of these memories keep flooding back. Until now I didn’t realize how much I had missed having you around. I know your reason for being here is hard, and I know you’re going through a lot, but I’m so glad your home.” He admitted. 

My heart fluttered at his every word ‘I missed having you around. I’m so glad your home. His words danced through my head and I was sure my own emotions gave those simple words more meaning than they implied but I didn’t care. I thought about last night and so badly wanted to know where this left us, what it meant. Was it a one time deal or was there something there. I looked up at him smiling. I felt so comfortable being here with him. And I felt like in this moment like I could tell him anything in the world – I felt so safe in his presence. 

“Me too. It’s been so hard for so long, but I can’t imagine anywhere I’d rather be then right here, like I’m supposed to be here. It’s good to be home” which made him smirk and his infamous dimple appear. We drove comfortably for the next few minutes, the sound of Coldplay flowing around the car as we pulled into the parking lot.

 Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

The entire ride music had been playing but now the lyrics sung were the first I really heard the entire time. The words had felt so relevant in the moment, so significant, and almost instinctively Harry and I looked at each other evidently with the same realization in mind. Here I am home again with him to be the one to fix me. I was thinking, and would have thought I was crazy but I know he thought it too when Harry unbuckled his seat belt, his eyes still in contact with mine, and planted his lips firmly on my forehead. He turned and got out of the car and started for the bakery door, the skin on my forehead still warm from the touch of his lips, leaving me motionless in the passenger seat.