Brutally Honest Reviews™

The Outbacker Enigma (N)

-The more I read this, in fact, the more comical it gets. I shit you not, it's fucking jargon:

{August and him, they're basically the same person. She swears it--they have the same name and everything.

Augustus could be called a god, in a sense. Living in a constant cycle of build, expand, repeat. That's how he became so great, so glorious that no one would ever be able to replace him.

That's how Rome fell.

The difference is, unlike Augustus doesn't know is she left a mark on North Carolina. If there's a different hue to the skies now that she's gone. If the waves of the Outer Banks rage harder, if the cracked downtown sidewalks feel lonely without her stepping on them. She keeps thinking about what it'd be like if she was still there. She thinks it's probably better if she doesn't know.

She stares out the window. She doesn't know why the hell she does it considering it shows the same view as the last hundred times she's glanced at it, but she does it anyway. Maybe it's because it reminds her of the people in movies who do it to help them think and settle their minds. To calm a storm hat's banging at their skulls, swarming every crevice trying to break free.

She decides movies don't know shit.}

-I'm going to stop right there because I can't fucking breathe (also, I can't believe I typed out all of that). Someone, please try to explain to me what the fuck is even being said here. Help me, I don't understand.

*Future me wobbles in after two weeks of not continuing this damn review and drowning from a SHIT ton of research papers I decided to do last minute because I hate myself and anxiety attacks are fun! Nothing is greater than a ticking time bomb!*

-Okay, I've been running on three hours of sleep for three days straight and I'm going to crash hard I just know it and I'm pretty sure when I wrote all of that mess above I was probably not even there for real. Don't even know what Past Me read (or if she even can) but excuse her please, she's slightly a moron. This M, on the upside, is running on Cheetos and water, getting this shit done at the library, and is ready to go! (*Another future M whispers* I lied, took me longer to complete this for some reason.) That whole excerpt is, yeah, excessive, but its written well. Not bad, but it's kind of unnecessary.

-Anyway, the train stops, an old lady with an accent, dad is 6'2 with a heavy build-wait for what. So blatantly stating the height of a character is what we're back to apparently? (As if anyway asked or cares?)

*Contemplates this matter solemnly*

-Hmm, can't say I like this retrogression. (-2)

-Anyway, I think some guy on the train tracks got crUshed or someone beat his ass to death...on the tracks. Well, at least the chapter is over so there's that.

-Chapter two didn't come quicker, so the rest of this review will mostly be complaints against chapter one. Onward! (-1)

Characters:

-August. A teenage girl that just moved into town, feeling displaced and has panic attacks. I do think the way that the panic attack scene (a bit too early I feel, it kind of makes it come across melodramatic because of how soon it occurs--pacing matters) that are depicted in chapter one is...competent, which is nice for a change since no one seems to get it even kind of right. Yikes. So, I'll give you that (but I do have complaints because I'm M, King of Complaining at your service!). But anyway, who cares really because this character is boring, narrates like she's from an even more insufferable Dawson's Creek (fun fact: weird guilty pleasure of mine-but the dialogue in that show is fucking ridiculous on all levels) and a saltine cracker. She's the run-of-the-mill head ass. Maybe, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she's a Ritz. But not anyone gets that honorary badge!--I'll need to see some actual personality since she has none besides the regular, tiresome philosophical ramblings. You'd think I'd eat this up being that I'm a head ass philosophy/religion major, but nah--it can get hammy pretty fast seeing it this forced. *Rubs temples*