Falling Apart

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The car stopped

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The car stopped.

Engines were turned off.

She was about to open the door when a hand held her wrist, preventing her from doing so.

Closing her eyes, she willed herself to just get out of the car and ignore the guy sitting beside her on the driver's seat.

She was suffocating.

And it hurts her... to no end.

"Lisa.."

His gentle voice whispered in her ears, like a lullaby. But no, she told herself she was done with this. With all of this.

She was sick of hiding.

She was tired of concealing her feelings.

"Baby, please."

His quiet plea breaks her heart. The more she stay with him, the more she felt like dying.

She turned her face away from him, as she felt a single tear escaped her eyes then soon the tears she was trying so hard to hold rolled like a river.

A sob slip her mouth.

"Lisa, please. I know it's not easy, baby, but please..." His voice cracked indicating that he, too, was trying to hold his tears.

"It hurts, Jungkook-ah... It hurts." She sobbed. This time, she didn't bother hiding her feelings and just let her tears flow and make him see how she was breaking inside.

He pulled her towards him, hugging her tight, "I know, baby, I know." He uttered as he rub her back, "But please don't give up on me. On us." He buried his face in the crook of neck, tightening his hold on her, "I love you... So much."

"It hurts so much. Why can't I hold you in front of many? Why can't we be like other couples, having dates and walking on the streets- hand in hand? Why can't I tell everybody that you are mine and I'm yours? Why do we have to hide when we do nothing wrong?

We're human too! We have feelings too. We know how to love too. We're not some kind of robot, Jungkook-ah! We're not a puppet who is there just for their entertainment!" She sobbed her frustrations, hoping that it will lessen somehow, "For years, all we do is meet up secretly. We see each other during the time when most people were fast asleep. During award shows, I wanted to clapped my hands and cheer for you every time you win an award but I have to stop myself every single time. I have to keep myself in check when all I wanted to do is to run to you and hug you.

I thought I could do it. I always tell myself that it will be fine, eventually. But as time passed by, it just keeps on getting harder. It's frustrating, Jungkook-ah. It's suffocating... Tell me, Jungkook, why does loving you hurt so much?" She asked in her quiet voice, her tear-streaked eyes boring into his soul.

  •••  

He felt his chest constrict at how shatter the girl he loves the most look at that very moment. He wanted to be selfish and hold onto her, but seeing now how much he was hurting her, he had to think twice.

He held both of her hands, hoping - no, praying - she will see how much he's hurting too. And how he can't live a single day without her.

He wanted to tell her that everything will be okay, that they just have to stay strong.

But will it really be okay? Or am I just making myself believe that? He thought.

"I love you." That's the only answer he could come up with.

He held her face closer to his until their foreheads touch. He didn't try stop the tears from falling from his eyes.

Closing his eyes, he felt her warmth... for the last time.

Before he utter the words that will free her from the misery he put her through.

"... I'm sorry for causing your tears and for hurting you. I wanted to be selfish but I know It will hurt you more if I do." He said as tears kept rolling down his face. He didn't dare opening his eyes, afraid that if he do, he will change his mind, "... but now, I know what I have to do. I can't see you hurting again because it kills me every time. I don't want to be the cause of your tears again. I wanted to hold onto you - to us,  but I can't be selfish... I'm letting you go, Lisa." He choked on his words.

Hearing his words, she sobbed harder.

How did we end up like this?

He sighed deeply before prying her face away from his, but still held it. He wiped her face with his thumb.

"... Please don't cry anymore, love. Stop crying because of me. I'm not worth it. All I do is hurt you and make you cry." He cried, "Please be happy without me, Lisa. I want to see your smiling face again, even if I'm not the reason for it."

She shook her head, denying the reality that they are falling apart at this very moment.

"Shh..." he hushed her, trying to calm her sobs, "I love you, with all my heart, please remember that."

He held her face closer to his, slowly, as their lips eventually meet... one last time.

💔

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