Boys Don't Cry

Chapter seventeen

Chapter seventeen

I don't know how, but some how I managed to agree to the family therapy session with my Dad. It's today and I know exactly the topic my therapist will want to bring up. Dread isn't the word for how I'm feeling. I hate speaking about it. I have not spoken about it since it happened, then my dad walked in to my life and that's all I'm thinking about now.

I look in the bathroom mirror, my cheeks have gotten bigger, I feel enormous. I now weigh 120 pounds, almost healthy. I slip on my favourite red T-shirt and my slim fit blue jeans, even though they are still slightly baggy on me. I put on my red adidas shoes and slip on a black hoodie to hide the scars, it matched the tiny bits of black on my shoes. I take out my phone and check the time, it's 11:04

The appointment is at 11:30. I am truly terrified. I have a couple of texts but I ignore them. I was supposed to have lessons today but they let me leave for this. At 11:15 I leave my bedroom and walk towards the office, stomach churning and I notice I'm sweating. I don't know if I can do this. I see him. I see my father standing, looking as though nothing is wrong. He spots me and smiles. I can't bring myself to smile back. As soon as I make it over to him Katherine greets us and asks us to follow her. My stomach doesn't stop churning as we're walking through the corridors to the informal meeting room, it's the room I got my first unsupervised contact with him in. We step in and an middle-aged woman with a short brown bob stands up and smiles at up.

"Hi, guys. I'm Dr. Hutton. But you can call me Sarah. I'll be leading the sessions."

"Sessions? I though there was only going to be one?" I stutter. They both turn to look at me.

"Depending on how this goes, we might not need anymore. Although, I reckon you both might benefit for a couple of these sessions a month." She says calmly. I frown. "Why don't you both sit down next to each other on the couch?" I wait until my father sits down and then sit as far away from him as possible. Sarah looks at us both and opens a notebook thing. She smiles and asks us if we have any questions before we start. We don't, so she begins asking her intrusive questions.

"Dad, let's start off with you. How did you feel when you found out Michael was your son?" My Father and I exchange looks and he shrugs. I let out a small laugh and my he smiles back at me. "Were you shocked? Upset? Angry?"

"I was shocked at first. Then angry, because his Mother didn't tell me. But then I was kind of glad and I knew straight away I wanted to meet him."

"So, you would have liked to have known sooner?" She asks him. He nods and crosses his arms. Then she looks at me. "Michael, how did you feel when Katherine told you and you got to read the letter?" I shrug too. I honestly don't know what to say. "Did you feel angry? Upset? Happy? Shocked as well?" I shrug again. "Most people feel angry and upset or shocked an then they adjust and they feel happy or relieved, is that how you felt?" I nod. I guess that was how I felt at first. I really don't like these sessions. "I know there were a few things you were hesitant for your dad to find out. Would you like to discuss those?" I shake me head.

"No." I say. Sarah and my dad both look at each other. I look down at the ground. It's hot in here, I want to take my hoodie off but I can't. The scars are visible.

"Are you sure?" She asks, pushing it. I look at her and frown.

"I don't want to speak about it. Fucking drop it." My dad looks at me. I feel his eyes burning in to the side of my head.

"Try not to swear, mate." He whispers. I shoot him a glare too.

"I don't want to speak about it." I protest.

"Don't want to speak about what?" Sarah asks. She knows fine well what.

"You know fine well what I'm on about." I spit.