CLOSER

˚f o u r˚

╔═══"chapter four" ═╗

       ╚═ "fight" ═══╝

jeongguk had already decided when he got home that he would confront seokjin. he was tired of tiptoeing around the one that was supposed to make him feel safe and happy, tired of feeling like he couldn't say anything or seokjin would yell at him. even if seokjin really did want to end it, jeongguk just wanted the truth instead of torturing himself every night in an empty bed with 'what ifs'.

he busied himself while he waited with cleaning up the apartment and making a small dinner for himself. he thought it would be better if he ate before, since depending on how this went he might not feel like eating after. he worked on some homework while he ate his small plate of stir fry, trying to focus while he kept running through the possibilities of how this could go in his head.

he was just taking the last bite of rice when he heard the sound of the door unlocking. standing up, he brought his empty plate to the sink and watched as seokjin entered, hung up his jacket, and removed his shoes.

"hyung, we need to talk."

seokjin lifted his head, making real eye contact with jeongguk for the first time in a week. "what's wrong?" his voice held a hind of fear to it, and jeongguk bit his lip.

"i feel like... like we're growing apart. you've been really distant this past week, and i can't help but feel like i did something wrong. i-i really love you so much, and i don't want to lose you, but if you just don't feel the same anymore, i'd just rather know if there's someone else." he internally congratulated himself on getting all that it without stuttering too bad or breaking down halfway through.

"jeongguk..."

"i don't want any stupid excuses. just tell me–is there someone else?"

seokjin rubbed his palms over his face, "jeongguk, i swear there's nobody else. i could never hurt you like that."

jeongguk bit his lip, accidentally biting down so hard he tasted the metallic taste of blood. "then... why? why are you pushing me away, when all i want is to hold you closer?" he felt a tear trickle down his cheek and quickly wiped it away. "i don't... i don't understand."

"guk, it's-it's hard to explain. but i think you're having trouble going through daily life without me being by your side twenty four seven. i know i'm your first boyfriend, but–"

"exactly!" jeongguk heard his voice crack. "you're my first everything, seokjin. you were my first real kiss, my first boyfriend, and my first time. that's why this hurts so much. i love you so, so much. i'd do anything for you."

"jeongguk," seokjin stepped closer to the boy who was near tears, "that's the problem. i love you too, but you need to be able to separate our relationship from life. i don't want to be your entire life. we are separate, individual people with our own needs and wants. i love spending time with you, but you need to be able to do things without me." he reached his hand out to stroke at jeongguk's cheek.

jeongguk stepped backwards, pushing seokjin's hand away. "don't-don't do that. s-so you're saying, i'm too clingy? is that it?"

seokjin bit his lip, and jeongguk's throat constricted painfully.

"i'm too clingy. i'm annoying and clingy, so you're pushing me away because you're going to leave me and–"

"jeon jeongguk!" seokjin suddenly yelled, cutting jeongguk off. "for the love of god, shut the fuck up! i can't... i can't deal with this right now."

he turned and walked back to the front door, yanking his jacket off the hook and shoving his feet in his shoes.

jeongguk watched with blurry vision as the love of his life slammed the door shut behind him without sparing a glance back at him. it was only then that he broke down, allowed himself to fall to his knees and sob so loud it felt like his throat was being ripped open. he wrapped his arms around his knees, hugging them to his chest as his tears soaked his tee shirt.

he knew coming to college and starting a new chapter of his life would change him, jeongguk just didn't know it would hurt this much.