Church Bells ｡ Matthew Murdock

16 - SINS AND FORGIVENESS

The days trickled by at an alarmingly quick rate and the hot days were finally dying down, the change in seasons bringing a new found clarity within Juliette Allen's heart. It had been a couple of weeks without seeing Matthew Murdock and she had hoped her heart would grow less fond of him with knowing the truth about his sins. With finally knowing that he was the Devil of Hell's Kitchen and went around fixing some sort of violent revenge on men that had wronged the city. But although her head and heart were divided, seeing him again felt like a blow to her chest as the air left her lungs.

The quiet life of Juliette Allen had been almost turning around with hope, the very hope that Jessica Jones' offer to help find something incriminating against her father, Markus O'Harris, would be successful. It had been a short time since her meeting with the overly snarky private investigator, who assured her it would take time. Pretty Juliette figured time was something she could spare if it landed the man that was involved with the death of her parents behind bars and finally, giving her a peace that would allow her to move on somehow. 

But naturally, when something in her life was going smoothly, another thing was dropped into her lap and today, that thing was indeed a man that haunted her dreams still and made her heart gallop in her chest like nobody ever had before. 

She had been making her way home with an armful of groceries from the nearest market. She had plans to cook her friends a home cooked meal while they binge watched Downton Abbey and cried into their glasses of wine with the heartbreaking television show. Gathering to eat and gossip and watch television had become a weekly event, something she looked forward to but with a light wind pushing her blonde curls from her face, the heat dotting her skin nicely, she spotted the man on the footpath in the middle of Hell's Kitchen. His red tinted glasses were in place, his white cane tapping against the cracked concrete. 

At first, she didn't know what to do. Should she turn around and walk away? Should she pretend she hadn't seen him, since clearly, he hadn't seen her? Could she walk by him and not utter out a single word and pretend there wasn't a screaming pain in her heart cracking upon with his face? Would he even notice her? Could he maybe sense her? Would he even care?

In the end, fate played its skilful hand and it was too late to even make a clear decision. Suddenly, the man was upon her and that very familiar tapping of his cane sparked in her ears and without meaning to, she was smiling. "Jules, hey." The voice was like hearing the comforting songs of church bells, reminding her of feeling safe and warm. 

"How did you know it was me?" Juliette gushed out, feeling her cheeks grow warm. Matthew was wearing a matching shy smile, quite delighted he had ran into her in the streets of their shared city. He had been wanting to call her, to try and explain things further but he knew it was not his place to push her. He knew her heart was full of a lightness and that the confession of his dark sins would divide her. He knew at the time that telling her the truth could push her away for good, but he couldn't lie to her anymore. 

Matthew offered a little laugh, "Your perfume, actually." He felt somewhat silly admitting it out loud, but he had smelt that mixture of cherries and soft undertones of flowers and knew it Juliette Allen right away. The very scent twisted his stomach with doubt and fear that he had lost her because of the darkness that clawed at his insides every night he yanked on his mask. 

"Really?"

He nodded, "It's not something I could ever forget."

With those very words, something was breaking inside the poor girl. Tears sprung to her eyes and she was jolting her gaze away from his face. There was a light bruise on his cheekbone, something she had spotted right away. She knew that bruised skin was the result of the other man that would appear to harm others at night. It hurt knowing he went against everything her faith installed to be right and good. But it hurt more not getting to see him, not hearing his voice and knowing he was hurting because of her choice to abandon him in a way. He had opened his soul for her and she had walked away because it had been too hard and it seemed wrong in her mind, but it felt so right standing next to him. 

"Jules, I'm sorry--" Matthew didn't need to see her face to know their tiny moment in time, in the middle of New York City, with people rushing by them was ripping open a wound he had created with the truth. He hated himself sometimes for what he did in the dark hours of the night, but it was something he needed to do, to fight back when others could not. 

The Allen girl squared her shoulders, quickly brushing away one single tear that had leaked down her cheek. The sadness and struggle in her soul was slipping away and in that second of time, she knew what God would do and what decision was placed on her. Forgiveness. "It doesn't matter." Her words sounded quiet on the crowded street and it dawned upon her that this was a very unlikely place to say these words but she did anyway. "I thought your...sins, would haunt me and even though, I don't really agree with them, I don't want to waste our friendship, our...connection, because of something that I don't understand."

Matthew's heart froze with her words, but he let her speak her mind before he voiced his own thoughts to the woman he had slowly but surely, come to adore and hold close to his heart. "It's not my place to judge, Matt. If this life is something you must do, that's your deal with God. It's not something I will ever hold against you, against us." 

Slowly, she stepped forward, her tiny hand lightly touching his own that was placed upon his white cane. Juliette was smiling shyly, knowing in her heart, this was the right call. "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

"Ephesians four, verses thirty-one and thirty-two." Matthew quietly commented, knowing the lines she had quoted by heart. There was a lightness filling his very soul, knowing he did not deserve somebody like her, but thanked the heavens above because she was so good. "I missed you, Juliette Allen."

The blonde curled her hand around his bicep, shifting her grocery bag to her free arm. Slowly, they started back down the busy street, almost forgetting they had anywhere else to be that day. The only true place they wanted to be, was with each other. "I missed you, too."