Chapter 55

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Charlotte

"Hey baby." Luca's deep voice hit me like a ton of bricks. The last thing I expected was to see him standing in front go me on my mother's deck, hours away from his home. His messages sat unreturned on my phone. I had no intention of talking to him until I figured some things out for myself and now here he was, forcing my hand. It seemed like he was always doing that. At the end of the day, what Luca wanted, he got. And I don't know why it had taken me so long to see that.

"I, uh, haven't heard from you, I wanted to be sure you were okay." He continued, taking a cautious step towards me. Instinctively, I stepped back to keep the distance between us, not realizing how close I was to the stairs. My foot slipped off the edge and I stumbled back, nearly falling right off the side. Luca rushed towards me, gripping my wrist tightly and pulling me away from danger.

When I looked up, we were within inches of each other. I let out a panicked, shallow breath as his stare intensified. I felt like crying. My heart wanted so badly to jump into his arms and make all of this go away, but I knew that would only put a bandaid on our situation. We needed to talk, and I needed answers, and then I needed to decide if I could live with the answers I got. If I couldn't, I had to leave and stop this before it went any farther. 

"Are you okay?" He finally broke the silence looming between us.

"I'm fine." I pulled away, shrinking back and putting some space between us again. It was easier to keep my head about me when he wasn't touching me. When he wasn't close enough that I could feel his beating heart. When the threat of him kissing me wasn't there. 

Luca nodded, and I could tell my response hurt him. There was a stormy distance in his eyes that told me he knew what I felt the moment I saw him--fear and panic. He hated it just as much as I did. 

"Do you think we can we talk?" He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. He looked like hell. Thick, dark circles were under his eyes, and he hadn't shaved for days. The look in his eyes was almost pleading. Pleading for something. Pleading for anything that I could give him that he could onto. Pleading for hope. I recognized it because I had been searching for the same thing the last few days. Something positive. Something hopeful. Something that could drag me out of this terrible hole. 

A selfish part of me was glad to see that he was just as miserable as I was. Maybe he did care about me as deeply as he claimed. Maybe he hadn't been lying about that.

"I don't have anything to say." I said, mustering up all the courage I could. The second I gave him control back, he'd pounce. 

"Then I'll talk and you can listen." He said firmly. "Can I trust you won't hit me?" He smirked a bit and I couldn't help but smile. The last time I had seen him I had been enraged and unfortunately he took the brunt of that. I had never been much of a slapper but something vile had come over me after finding out the truth. I didn't recognize the person I turned in to and I was finally getting back on my feet.

I nodded and let him take my hand, leading me over to the edge of the deck where we both sat down. No matter what I was feeling on the inside, I needed to hear him out. I owed him at least that. I had left him hanging the last several days, and still he had decided to make the trip down here.

"Charlotte," He ran his fingers through his hair. This was eating him up too. "I can't tell you how sorry I am. I'm not going to make excuses for what I did because what I did was wrong. I should have told you the minute I found out. But I didn't and I know how badly that hurt you. I can't change what happened, but... fuck..." His voice broke a little bit and I had to bit my lip to hold back my own tears. "I will spend the rest of my life wishing I could." As he paused and rubbed his temples, I wanted to reach out and comfort him. I hated seeing him hurt, and despite my anger and frustration, it was breaking my heart.

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