Appreciated | k.sj |

Feelings - Chapter 3

You know how time passes right? Seconds that turn into minutes which turn into hours and lead to a full day. That's how long Jin wanted to stay in the practice room, but after a full ten minutes, he managed to pick himself up and try his best to look like he had not been crying for what seemed like hours.

His cheeks were puffed out and shaded with a light pink, but as he wiped over his cheeks, the surface of his face was rough. His eyes seemed to repeat the tears every time Jin tried to wipe them out. His lips quivered every second, the colour ended up being a nice polyester red. He checked the mirror every few seconds to make sure he had not looked so. Heartbroken.

He unsteadily walked to the door since his legs gave into resting on the floor while he wiped his tears away some time ago. As he reached the door handle he twisted it carefully in hopes not to make a single sound. He poked his head out and sniffed in some tears to prevent them from falling while making sure that the corridors and hallways were empty before exiting.

He closed the door behind himself and made sure to lock it, after a few times of rattling the door handle to insure that it was locked. He left to the elevator, he just wanted to leave the building. He didn't know where his dongsaeng's were, but he knew perfectly well that they were all comforting his still remaining idol. Yes even after the excruciating words, Jin still sees the hope as his idol in dance.

He entered the elevator and pressed for the lobby. He watched as the doors slowly closed, just like how his eyes mimicked the same movement, crying really does work up a lot, having to quieten your sobs every time you think they were getting louder, while trying to calm yourself down, but it hella hurts more with trying to sustain and calm a scarred heart.

As the sound of elevator door closed, so we're his eyes. The eternal pitch black darkness was all Jin could see behind closed eyes, no matter where he looked, there was not a single person nor thing in sight, just pitch black darkness. He managed to just peacefully keep his eyes shut without having to think of the critically painful words that were said earlier.

When a certain sound was heard that indicated he had reached the lobby, the doors slowly opened, he hadn't thought of what to say to Hoseok ever. He didn't think he'd get the chance too today either. Because when he stepped out of the elevator, at the only doors he wished to exit stood six men. They all met eyes and this only drew Jin to wanting to break down again.

The tension between them all was suddenly starting to come back, he didn't know what to do, should he apologise for something inconsiderate? Until Namjoon stepped forward, "Jin-Hyung..." ... Hyung... He hadn't heard that from any of them for the past weeks. His let agony consume him too much that he didn't fulfil his duties as the eldest.

But that didn't matter, how can he be the eldest when his practically the one still being scolded? He never earned that title, he never wanted that title again. When he looked up at Namjoon, he saw a crying Hoseok behind him and four other men trying to comfort him. He doesn't think Hoseok had seen him as he was still sobbing in Taehyung's chest.

Namjoon had inched a step closer to Jin, but Jin only automatically took a step back out of fear, if he had let Namjoon get any close for comfort he would surely break down and show how his felt the past weeks.

That was the last thing Jin wanted.

Nothing was ever tense or awkward between eldest and the leader, but in such a weird atmosphere, especially when one member was at fault to upset another, nothing would ever be the same. Without much of another word Jin broke that silence.

"Please make sure to eat properly and get home before eight-thirty." Was all the left Jin's mouth, just a plain instruction that still managed to have a bit of heart in it. He bowed a little "I'll be at the dorms." This phrase confused the five men as Hoseok was still sobbing, Jin knew well that he as-well as themselves had always referred to the dorms as home.

Hearing the word 'dorms' just sounded like separable rooms, Bangtan was inseparable, they were practically the meaning of family, but maybe... Bangtan was never his home to begin with either. He straightened himself up before proceeding to walk pass his band mates.

A cool breeze brushed against his hair and face, as the sun settled behind the busy city buildings and only the chatter chatter of people could be heard along with there foot steps. He didn't dare to look back, he had made such an indecisive decision that lead him to be apart of a crowd.

The boys just saw a glimpse of their hyung becoming apart of the busy crowd when the doubled doors were slowly but surely closing, even Hoseok noticed, they stood motionless as they saw as-well as heard the doors close with a firm click, not long ago they saw the visual of Bangtan sonyeondan, who now became apart of the everyday city life.

Jin wandered the busy streets, his glad no one had noticed him slumping in his steps purposely when he crosses the roads, It was all one big blur when he was passing one particular walk side, the smell of smoke mixed with the stores scents that seemed to intoxicate the man into becoming hazy with vision. He almost stumbled forward, which shocked a little girl, but that little girl asked with the kindest heart Jin had ever felt all day "Are you okay Mister?" She said as she inched closer, Jin only stared at her.

The last feeling he ever wanted to feel.

Was to feel cared for.