Rescue My Heart

Chapter 11

REWRITTEN

CLOVER

Friday, November 3.

Dear diary,

I refuse to believe Logan is Jackson's brother. But deep in my heart, I know he's nothing like Jackson. There have been no signs of violence. He's not Jackson. But some people can surprise you with what they are capable of. I learned that the hard way.

I want him, I do. I might actually need him, but it would never work. I can never be with him.

If he finds out what happened between me and Jackson, what will he do? Will he stay or run?

But the story he told me about the girl had to be me. I looked so different then (covered in bruises with blonde hair) that it's no surprise he doesn't remember me. I did wake up in a hospital once, around the time Jackson and I dated. The doctor told me that some guy had found me and brought me there, but he'd left. So I was the girl. I need to let it go. We come from too different worlds. I didn't do what was best for me; I did what's best for him.

~Clover

To rid my thoughts of him, I ventured to the kitchen for a cup of tea. Ned sat at the dinner table with a plate of mac and cheese.

"Ned, can we talk?"

"No," he said, finishing the last bite of his mac and cheese.

"Give me a few minutes to explain. I want to get through this war zone."

"Sorry, I can't right now. I have to go meet Jackson and my other friends."

It was like an ice-cold bucket poured over my head.

"Yeah, get that into your stupid little head. We've become close friends."

How could he? How could he hang out with my mortal enemy?

"N-No, Ned, you can't. He's not good for you. He's not good for anyone."

Fair enough, I hadn't told Ned the full truth about Jackson. He only knew bits and pieces. After our parents died, it was too late to speak up.

"Not everything is about you. Get over yourself."

"Please, Ned, you don't know what he's done –"

He shrugged. "Can't be worse than what you have."

He acted as if I meant nothing to him. I was a stranger he passed on the street and never saw again. A bothersome object like in his stupid video games.

"What happened to you, Ned?"

"You, you happened." He rubbed a hand over his face. "You killed Mom and Dad. If you hadn't called them to pick you up, they'd be okay. They'd still be alive."

"I didn't have a choice."

Something happened at the party. I nearly lost the will to live.

"You always blame others for your mistakes. Maybe you should start realizing the truth: no one wants you. You're a fucking nuisance. Hell, no wonder the guy you just dated turned out to be a player."

I stopped. "You knew?"

"Of course, I did. I had to wait until he broke your heart. You know what, I don't give a shit about you and your troubles."

He took his jacket from the couch, heading for the door.

1... 2... 3.

Breathe and get it over with.