{ #3 } Twisted Moon (MxM || 18+)

Chapter 78 - Guilt

Without the weight of guilt on my mind anymore, I felt much better and started to live again. Those few months were just the best of my life, but unfortunately, that feeling of culpability is back again and this time, no one had to bore it into my brain; the perks of being an adult with a mature conscience. Nobody needs to tell me how I should feel after what happened. Nobody needs to prove me how this was my fault and that I can only blame myself. I am smart enough to understand I am to blame for all that happened; or almost all. I definitely blame my parents for selling me to that prick of Andrei; there is no denying that.

However, Camden being injured and Jeremy still being within the hands of this psycho can be blamed on me. I am such a magnet for problems and all the thoughts that pass through my head at the moment only converge in that sense. I have mostly been a source of worry for Camden ever since he picked me up from the streets. I am aware that I haven't been only that, as I believe I have also been a source of... relief and pleasure somehow, but I can't deny that I mostly caused him a lot of troubles. He has spent large amounts of money for me; money that he could have used differently. I know I have also been a pain in his neck with all my mood shifts, tormenting him with my urges and not always being the perfect Sub he would deserve. And I am not mentioning all the stress I must have caused during my two-week absence.

I mean, I am not entirely silly and despite my stupid doubts when Andrei mentioned Chris becoming Camden's new Sub, I am conscious of his feelings for me. Nonetheless, I am not certain I deserve it. After all, I didn't even return his confession that Saturday night at the club. And if I hadn't been so stupid with my insecurities, if I had told him how much I love him, I would have spared us some serious troubles because I wouldn't have felt the need to see him so badly on the Monday. I wouldn't have been kidnapped, which logically leads to the fact that Camden wouldn't have been shot while trying to save me. For crying out loud, he could have been killed! How would I have been able to live with that?

"Hey... Noah, come here..." Camden exclaims warily as he puts Jess on the floor and grabs my arms to pull me up and into a hug. I am not crying, not even sobbing, but I hadn't realized that tears had escaped my eyes. "I've got you... everything will be alright, Noah..." He keeps repeating the same reassuring words that unfortunately only make things worse in my head. I wish his embrace grew tighter in my back to enhance a bit of pain from the whipping but he sadly withholds his strength and maintains it to light brushes. "Let's get you upstairs. I ran a bath to help you relax," he then says after a while.

He takes my hand and leads me up the staircase and to his bathroom where he turns off the tap. Motionless, I watch him pull up his tee-shirt, allowing me to rediscover his body with the beautiful wings tattoo that spreads across his chest; but what I mostly pay attention to is the bruise far enough above his heart with a little hole in the middle. I bite the insides of my cheeks to force back the tears while he gets rid of his remaining clothes.

"It doesn't even hurt me anymore, Noah..." Camden says when he notices my gaze on his chest, and then moves closer to cup my face. His intense grey eyes lock onto my lips for a long moment before he leans down to brush them with his. The contact burns me from the inside and I can't even reciprocate the gentle movement of his lips, which is probably why his tongue doesn't beg for entrance. "Let me help you," he then says, hesitantly pulling on the hem of my tee-shirt. In the end, I just let my body follow his moves as he undresses me and soon enough, I find myself seated between his legs in the bathtub with my back against his chest.

For a long moment, Camden just holds me in his arms, silently, and I manage to relax a bit indeed. I am still feeling exhausted despite all the sleep I got at the hospital, and still again this morning while we were waiting for some more results that only came up in the middle of the afternoon. This has been one of the most boring weeks in my life, I think, and the more I slept, the more tired I was.