Light x Reader x L - Death Note

Focus

I don't go in the next day, I'm not sure if it's because I'm scared or if I want them to be scared. I want Light to know he needs to be more careful around me. I may have fallen when he hit me but when I got back up I had pulled my guard up with me. I have never even noticed it had slipped but I have been mixed in with this persona and I had been getting a bit too comfortable. Yama sits in his usual space on the floor pulling out strands of my fluffy rug. I notice he has made a small pile of cotton pieces next to him. I turn and put my hand on his head.

"Yama, I don't appreciate you pulling my rug apart. What's wrong?" I say, not entirely sure how to comfort a Shinigami and if I'm even reading him right. 

"You're acting different (y/n). You seem to have lost track." I bite my lip. I'm angry that he's right. "You went into this to see if Kira will be an ally. After yesterday's happenings and finding out his goals, it's obvious he's not what you had considered useful." I raise an eyebrow.

"Why do you think my thoughts have changed? I may be about to kill Light right now." I say, gesturing to the Death Note in front of me. 

"Even when he told you he hoped to be some kind of God and a leader, I mean for god's sake he called you a second Kira, you seem to still put up with him. There is no way you're about to sit there and just kill him now, you've had too many chances." He says. I sigh putting my hands over my face and drag them down in a tiredly. 

"I know, but plans change sometimes. He's smart and I could still use him." I say as if I'm defending my actions. He stands up, looming over me. 

"He hit you (y/n)! I only didn't kill him in that instant because I know you like him and would resent me." I blink a little shocked. 

"He didn't actually hit me. His elbow hit me by accide-" He interrupts me. 

"Yes and any other person would have taken it as an accident and been forgiving but before you met them, if anyone else would have done that you would have shown them you're not just some girl. You wouldn't even use your Death Note like a weapon, you would knock em' right back." He says it with such conviction. Is he disappointed in me? "You had such confidence and your fierceness frightened any grown man. That's why I picked you. I looked down on the whole world but chose you to be worth it. You were deserving of the Death Note. I can't stand idly by as you soften for some guy. You are more than that." I feel like this is a pep talk, like I'm letting him down and he's trying to get me back up to my best. I stand up and hold eye contact with him. 

"I know what I'm doing. This is all part of it. You have to be willing to let yourself become a little more like them if you really want to get close to them. They have to feel a real connection. I need to be trusted and this is my way of doing it." I say a little mad and saddened that he no longer saw me for the way I am. "To be honest I'm lucky Light accidentally hurt me as now he's going to feel like he owes me. He's going to try harder than ever to be helpful to me. I'll have him running around for me while L feels protective over me as it's now more obvious than ever that I'm not some robot and can actually get hurt." I sit back down and do a spin in my chair. "And this is going to remind them of that every time they see it." I gesture to the bruise on my cheekbone. It sits on my face in a mixture of dirty colours. "Light will be reminded of his guilt and L will now look out for me. Meaning they'll both have my back." Yama grins evilly, clearly happy to hear me more motivated. But I feel like I was proving myself to him and I hate feeling like I'm below someone being looked down on. I stand up once more, holding heavy eye contact with him and point at him, "You may act like this strong overlord but trust me. I can hold myself up, you're just here for the ride." He doesn't seem surprised by my words. 

"I get it (y/n), you're Satan and have all the evil powers." He chuckles and I can't help but smile. But I pause and look at him. Evil? Is that what I'm doing? Am I the bad guy? Yama tilts his head and I have to shake the thought. 

"Satan huh? And Light considers himself God? I can literally taste the irony." I say with a grin but inside I'm a little freaked out. That's why our ideas are so different. He's supposed to have this ideal world and be the new leader while I'm a little broken with the desire for chaos. Perhaps I am the bad guy.

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I don't knock on the door, I just let myself right into the hotel room. Yama follows me in. Everyone looks up at me shocked. I ignore everyone but L and Light who are both standing upon my arrival. My eyes don't even meet Light's for a second as I make my way over to L. I grab his hand and lead us to the other room. I make a hand movement with my free hand that no one but Yama would recognise - it tells him not to follow me in. We have little things like that to communicate with each other when others are in the room with us. L gladly follows me into the other room and even shuts the door behind us. 

"(y/n) I was starting to think you weren't going to come back..." When he says my real name it sends butterflies through my stomach. I try and control the feeling but the heat has already reached my cheeks. I go to speak but notice marks on L's face. I step toward him and carefully trace the marks with my finger. 

"Where did you get these... did Light do this?" I say now remembering the situation before I left. L had run at Light after seeing me on the floor bruised. They seemed to be going at each other rather ferociously before I left, not staying for the show. He nods taking my hand and pressing it against his cheek closing his eyes. 

"It doesn't matter now. You're here." I look at him a little shocked. Every time I step in this room, I come in with the idea of being the one in control but these boys seem to have a strange effect on me. 

"What happened when I left?" I ask and he opens his eyes. 

"The guys pulled Light and I apart. Light tried to explain what had happened. Would you mind telling me your take on what happened?" Shit... Light and I haven't made up a fake story, what if mine and his don't match. 

"He got up to leave the room but I hadn't finished talking to him. I pulled on his arm but as he went to pull his arm away it knocked me in the face. I fell back on the floor. Light tried to apologise but I was hurt so I naturally pushed him away." L nods but I don't know if what I said is even remotely close to what Light said. 

"Yeah, Light said the same thing but he really pushed the part of him trying to say sorry to you. Why did he push you away though, what made him want to leave so bad? He never really specified that." I clench my jaw. 

"Uh, well you know how I can be. I was a bit pushy trying to talk about Kira and I suppose me suspecting him finally got on his nerves too much. He really hates how we consider him a suspect." I lie.

"(y/n)." I look at him a little nervous and I can already see the disappointment in his eyes. "I said I trust you even though you lie but this... I need honesty from you. To be truthful Light's story isn't even close to yours. Apparently, he lifted to put his coat on at the same time as you walking past him and his elbow hit you right on your cheekbone. But as you both had recently had an argument you'd thought it was on purpose and pushed him away as he apologised." L reveals. Well fuck. 

"Lolly..." I try and cover for myself but he puts his hand through my hair. 

"Did he hit you (y/n)? Perhaps he tried it on with you and you rejected him so he got aggressive?" I blink shocked at him. 

"What? No. L I-" I try to correct but he speaks over me again. 

"Maybe he threatened you to keep a secret of his you'd discovered..." He guesses and I roll my eyes.

"L I'm trying to say-" And he interrupts me again. I get too frustrated and pull out a scrap of paper from my pocket and touch his arm with it. He stops and looks at my fingers on his arm with a small piece of lined paper. 

"Why'd you do that?" He says and without an answer I make another signal to Yama by clicking both my fingers, making a loud noise. L looks at me a little confused but he suddenly jumps back, landing on the ground. Yama had come through the wall into view of us both. He could now see Yama. I stand in front of Yama and cross my arms and without hesitation, I say something I could, later on, extremely regret. 

"L, I'm Kira."