When We Were Young (A Jensen Ackles Fanfiction)

16. Under Pressure Precious Things Can Break

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When We Were Young

16. Under Pressure Precious Things Can Break

He couldn't even look at me. I saw him four times before the show started and he didn't even look at me once. Now everyone in the cast and crew was treating me like I was going to freak out at any moment. Ms. Leslie came to my dressing room just after I had arrived to make sure I was still sane enough to go on stage.

I had to. If I dropped out now Jensen would lose his chance and then he'd hate me even more than he does already. How had this even happened? I was stupid and selfish. I was just trying to be playful, have a little fun with him. Maybe I misread the situation, thinking it was something it clearly wasn't. Maybe we just don't have that kind of relationship. Maybe we can't be playful. Maybe we're too dependent on one another that the banter most couples have is too raw for us to be taken lightly.

I was stage ready, sitting at my station in my dressing room when Kelly came in. "Are you okay, Carmen?" She asked. I knew she had heard what happened. She may have even been in the cafeteria when it happened.

"I'm fine." I replied, turning towards her. "Little nervous I guess."

She nodded, putting on her final piece of costume. "Come on, Ms. Leslie wants to have a meeting with everyone in the green room."

"Oh gees." I got up, smoothing out my dress and dressing gown, following Kelly through the halls to the green room. God, everyone was so tense. Everyone was staring at me but no-one would look me in the eye.

We entered the green room and I found a space against the wall in the corner, waiting for everyone to get situated. I noticed Jensen enter with Matt and they stood on the opposite side of the room.

Ms. Leslie came in and quieted everyone, even though it was already pretty silent. "Everybody, come in together. Is everyone here? Okay. So it's opening night. All of the weeks of practice have come to this. I know that things are tense," She looked at Jensen then looked over at me and I shifted my hair around me, trying to disappear. "But as they say in show business the show must go on. So get out there, give it your all, work together and have fun. Consider this your 5 minute call! Jets and Sharks to the wings please!"

I turned to leave when Ms. Leslie called me.

"Carmen, Jensen, can I please talk to you both before we start." I looked over at Jensen who looked so annoyed I had to look away. I made my way over to her, trying not to look at Jensen as he came and stood beside me. "I just want to make sure that regardless of what happened between you both today that you can both go out there and be professional?"

"Yes Ms. Leslie." We both said in unison.

"Whatever happened you both need to look like you're in love okay?"

"Yes Ms. Leslie." I looked away, wanting to leave the room already.

"Alright, go and get ready, Carmen. Jensen, you're on first." I took that as my cue to leave and I headed back to my dressing room.

"This day is the worst." I blurted out making Kelly jump as I entered. "I can't do this. I can't fucking do this."

She seemed shocked at my words and she turned to face me as I paced back and forth in the middle of the room. "You can totally do this. You're an actress, Carmen. Just act like you're okay."

"This is so out of hand. I never wanted this. I have to keep it together. Just keep it together." I talked myself down from my freak out, wanting nothing more than to change out of my stupid costume and surrender.