When We Were Young (A Jensen Ackles Fanfiction)

15. Help, I Have Done It Again

"Stop. Following me." I told him sternly, seeing the hurt in his eyes. "You're crowding me and I can't breathe. I'm going to the bathroom. Go away." I shooed him away with my hands and turned back, continuing my walk to the bathroom.

I did my business and washed my hands, using a hand towel to dry my forehead. I looked at myself in the mirror, feeling the guilt in my stomach. I knew I needed to apologize to Jensen, he was only trying to help. But I needed to concentrate on the show. In two days I would have to stand up in front of an auditorium full of people and do this for real. No cuts, no redo's. If I messed up or froze on that stage on opening night, I knew without a doubt Sarah would be biting at my heels to take my place.

And I doubted Ms. Leslie would send her on with Jensen so that would mean he would miss out on being Tony too. It all fell on my shoulders.

I heard the music coming from the stage and realized we had started. I came out of the bathroom and hesitantly made my way to the green room. Jensen was already in there, sat against the far wall, leaning forward on his knees, his leg bouncing nervously. He was staring at a spot on the floor. He looked sad.

I sat across the room from him, needing space to clear my head. He glanced up at the movement, his eyes meeting mine fleetingly before dropping back to the ground. I swallowed down my guilt and ran my lines over in my head, my hands clasped in my lap.

"Jensen, you're up." I heard one of the stage hands say and I looked up. Jensen stood, his eyes meeting mine before he let out a breath and walked to the stage.

Kelly came in, sitting beside me.

"Sorry if I overstepped a line sending in Jensen. I've just noticed he usually calms you." Kelly apologized and I waved her off.

"It's okay. It's me. I'm just...I'm okay. Thank you for caring." I gave her a half hearted smile and got up, making my way side of stage. I watched from the wings as Jensen made his way onto stage, his first scene with Matt who was playing Riff.

I watched him own the stage, marking it as his. He was amazing. But there was still sadness in his eyes, even when he was singing about good things to come and I knew I was the one that put it there.

The stage darkened and I moved out of the way while they changed the set. Jensen had gone off the other side from where I entered. I walked onto the stage in darkness, feeling a lump in my throat the size of Texas. I wanted to be anywhere else but on that stage.

I felt Kelly move past me, getting into position and I said a final prayer before the lights came up.

And I froze.

I could hear my heartbeat in my ears and I felt my throat constrict. My whole body was vibrating. "Cut the lights!" I heard Jensen yell and seconds later the stage was in darkness.

I felt arms wrap around me from behind and a voice by my ear.

"Carmen. You can do this." Jensen. "I know you're scared. I know you're scared, Sweetheart. But you can do this. Don't think about who's watching. Sing for me. Do this for me." Jensen, I'd do anything for you.

I shut my eyes, gathering my wits about me. "I love you." I whispered back to him. He kissed the side of my neck.

"I love you too." One last kiss and he let me go, moving off stage. "She's ready Ms Leslie." I heard him say. One more breathe and the lights came back on. And I found my strength. Sing for him.

I made it through the rest of rehearsal. I grabbed a tissue Kelly was holding out for me, coming down from the emotions of seeing my Tony, die again on stage.