a drop in the ocean • JUNG HOSEOK

Part 8.

Thank you all for the reads, and thank you specifically for the ones who commented ;)

I've noticed my pattern of shorter chapters, but ahahaa  bare with me, its essential to the story to place it in chapters/parts.

Onwards!

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You return back, as already expected, the next evening with apologies. You lounge in the water and Hoseok lays next to you and the sun morphs into a colorful whirl of warm hues.

"I don't know how to apologize enough times, I'm so sorry about last night." Is the first remorseful set of words that spilled out of your confounded lips. "I drank a bit turns out. I feel so ... awful. Believe me when I say there was no truth to what I said - I-I didn't mean them whatsoever, anything I told you." You had indisputable sunken, dark circles underneath your eyes, same as Hoseok. You both looked drained of lively energy. Hoseok looked to be practically strangling on crippling exhaustion.

For a patronizing moment, Hoseok doesn't respond, then he slowly swims near to you. "Okay, I understand." He determines his words out forcefully, yet carefully. "Only one thing I want you to remember, okay? ... Don't ever ask me to turn you." Even if the whole thing in his opinion wasn't entirely your fault and how incredibly impulsive it was all to spill your feelings to the only person you connect with, it something he never wishes to hear from you again.

You stare at him, his eyes pale in color. "I promise." You sigh flimsily.

"Okay." Hoseok tapes the unweaving knot of constrictions between you two, moving his blue tail and disrupting the rigid quietness. You don't respond back, for the sake of yourself and your relationship with Hoseok. It was utterly horrendous how you almost tore it apart from its seams last night. You spend all day in bed, which did not look good on your part.

Hoseok flushes out his gills by going underwater and eyeing you in the evening moon light. He had to stir the topic off of you two, before his heart sank to the bottom. "So, what was wrong with that date of yours? Did he have tics? Did he have a bug face? Did he not let you eat sour patches?"

You looks bemused for a moment, before the right side of his mouth ticks up into a reluctant smile. "Most certainly he had tics. Bug face? Wow, look out he sure did! And, I have a feeling he doesn't admire sour candy."

Hoseok makes a face, sneaking his hand towards your own, wishing he had warmth to give to you, and only you. It's the least he could achieve. "Gross. Why go out with him anyways?"

You softly peer down when you feel Hoseok's welcoming, wet fingers and you willingly lace them together. Your heart skips, and in a snap you try to scold it. "It's complicated, but I wanted to I guess? But, as soon as I was, I couldn't stop thinking about how I didn't want to be on that date, with him especially. Then he pestered me to sleep with him. It was disgusting."

Hoseok squeezed your fingers. "I'm only happy you're fine now."

You nod in return a bit, trying to take in the horizon and not how you wanted to stare at your fingers fitting together as one. "Same, I'm happy too." The sky had transformed into a pleasant light blue, washing out any warm colors to mix with and you breath the air leisurely. "What do you recall about being alive - human I mean?"

Hoseok body stilled, holding his gaze to the disappearing sunset, and shrugs. For once, you don't apologize for asking so bluntly to his past. When he doesn't respond, you patiently wait for him to either respond or object to answer. Hoseok wants to press his hand to You's chest and feel his heartbeat. "I had a sister. I used to dance to the point I thought my legs would fall off. My mom would cook me kimchi, I would talk with her everyday."

"I like sauerkraut better." You mention to him, and Hoseok sticks his tongue out. Recollecting his past makes him feel obscure, like he has two people inside his body. Himself, and the persona of himself that's long dead to the rest of the world and his family.

"I so dont agree." Hoseok teases you, smiling faintly as he laid down so his gills could seep into the water, looking up at the now night sky; letting his head spin like a vintage record with his past memories and how he felt. He didn't find the emotional side too pleasing. "I really enjoyed singing too, both dancing and singing." He tried not to think too much about what he use to enjoy.

"I'm horrible at dancing, so you can at least look good compared to me." You hum to him.

"At least you got legs." Hoseok retorts perversely. No hint of disdain in his voice however.

"Let's be real, you would be way better." You reply to him sincerely, and Hoseok lets himself fully break into a smile even though pondering this deep about what it was like being human produces his dismal emotions; like he's a loose anchor with no rope, forever etching itself to the very bottom where it's even more cold and deafening to abide. The thing that truly is the bare root of his anguish is the awareness of never being able to go reconcile to the simple, old life he used to have.

"I miss holidays." Hoseok comments. He remembers all the special holidays he had celebrated with his family. "Like Christmas, or Seollal."

"That's so sad." You respond, looking down at him with a sympathetic knit of your eyebrows. Invasively, you had flashes of memories of long ago, like any current the time you even sat at the table together with your own family. You screwed that lid shut and questioned Hoseok, "What about your birthday? When is it?"

"February 18th." He beams from ear to ear brightly. "I'm a late valentines baby."

You roll your eyes with compassion. "Happy incredibly late birthday, Hoseok."

"Thank you ____, that's sweet of you." Hoseok says, and he's trying to sound cheeky, however it's over all heartwarming to hear. It's one of those candied things that makes him feel just a tad bit normal, a reminder that he was born into this world, that he still exist and can be seen and reflective in others minds. Even if it's only to one person.

"Why don't we make our own holiday?" You offer. "Nothing's coming up, so why not? If you're in, that is."

"I like that idea." Hoseok returns a smile, watching the first twinkles of stars in the night sky.

You start to think, your eyes fluttering over to take in Hoseok. The water rifts between your fingers and you flick it. "Awesome Splashy Day."

"Sounds boring."

"Fine. Awesome tots not dumb Splashy Day."

"That's not better at all."

"Awesome Splashy Hoseok Day?"

Hoseok gives a chime of laughter, his mouth sprouting from the bubbled surface from where it onces rested, the corner of his eyes scrunching up delicately. "That's my favorite, mostly because of my name in it."

You smile widely, mouth expanding almost too much for comfort, and you embrace Hoseok's hand, bounding you skin to skin; the closest contact you could within the realm of possibility have with two hands intertwined. "I'll bring Jin. I swear it'll be fun."

You perilously wanted to be a secret make up for what ensued last night that both had shaken you and Hoseok. Everything now seemed normal with thorough explanations and understatement, but a little part of you wanted to do this for him badly. Its the least you could do. Everything that happened previously was your fault, and you almost ruined it. 

"Sure, can't wait." Hoseok replied, adjusting his other hand up into your hair and down your neck, naturally retaining any little detail there is that he hasn't mastered about you.

You make him feel so real, so alive.