a drop in the ocean • JUNG HOSEOK

Part 4.

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The next time, you bring a kayak and you're really terrible at it, splashing around. Hoseok helps you and tries not to laugh so hard.

"I may be bad at kayaking." You laugh wearily, as you let the merman leading you more into the lake. "Can we just float for a while?"

Hoseok spins away from you, lying on his back. "Floating is my specialty."

"I relate so much. Having adult responsibilities is tiring." You mumble as you rest you lips against your elbow. Then, you rest your elbow on the side of the boat and peer down at the merman and his nearly glowing presence. "I wish I could just float sometimes."

Hoseok doesn't oppose you. Trying not think about you, the only pleasant thing to happen to him in such a long time. He feared he'll be lonelier than the water and become the waves. "We are." Hoseok points out to you, letting his body rock.

"You're right." You hum, reaching your hand to the water as it makes ripples. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." Hoseok lips thinned.

"Did you always live here in the water?"

Hoseok ponders it. Kicking his tail under the water, like his mind is trying to remind him what he's become. It's not like he hasn't forgotten. "Not exactly."

"Shit answer." You chuckle down to him, showing your hint of disdain at the response. One you weren't looking to hear. You flick the water between your chilled fingertips and you sucked the inside of your cheek suddenly. Chest heaving, you immediately felt remorseful. "Um ...I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it."

"There use to be others. We didn't normally talk about it. What we use to be. It's okay." He assures. You didn't seem technically convinced, the obvious pain you sensed from him appeared shallow, nonetheless there. "I use to be human."

"Oh." You were at loss of a more convincing reaction. What were you expected to say when a merman states he used to be like you, flesh warm and blood running hot in your veins? No tail either. Hoseok sighed, he trusts you - if he had anyone to tell his tale - you were his choice.

Finally, you found a weak thread of sound in your throat to speak. "You turned?"

"Drowning killed me." Hoseok confessed. Oddly enough, he knows he still has the bumping of his chest, the rhythmic beating, but it was very weak. "I was thirteen, was messing around where I shouldn't have been. My leg was caught in a reef. I have no idea if they looked for me, I believe that they were." Recollecting the impact and the taste of the wave was nauseating to him, the deep rush of water filling his nose and throat; until it wasn't.

He lived with the fact he was a merman. He lived with it. Accepting it? He doesn't want to comprehend too far. Not when your eyes are so tempting to him that the question hurts him.

"How were you turned?" You mention, the way you look at him, he hates it. Hoseok hates that look you give him every time you get too deep about his tale, because he doesn't want to be mystical and transparent anymore.

"When they don't scout your body, and you're in the water long enough, they turn you into a mermaid." Hoseok dips his neck to flush his gills with water.

Again, you were absent of words. Gulping, you croaked, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

"How ... is that fine?" Physically, you see Hoseok still. "May I ... hold your hand?" You thought it sounded stupidly formal, but you genuinely desired to make sure he was there, that he was real and that you can comfort him. Especially, having years of no one to do so. Gosh knows he more lonely than he lets on.

Hoseok respires, hovering closer and resting his hand up above the surface. Meeting him in the middle, you lean down to grab it. Hoseok dithers not to shudder when your palms connect, hesitates to be so blatantly mindful of the way you're always warm; praying he didn't bother this much being engrossed in it. "Happened years ago. Don't be sorry."

"Still. Is there a chance you can be human?" You gingerly asked. Then, you mentally slap yourself for acting so bluntly. As if you weren't easy to read. Hoseok eyes at you this time, watching the way your uncharacteristic gaze was hooked at something interesting on your legs.

"...Why?" Hoseok asks, and his smile is the chill of the water. "You want me to be human again?"

Suddenly, your face turns red. Breathing in some air, you let your brain clear, functioning a little less forthright. Why did you have to get so flustered? "I would be lonely. I don't want you to be."

"It wasn't only me till now." Hoseok reminds. He doesn't want to talk about it. He trusts you, but not enough of how much sensitivity he had built inside himself. Some walls had to stay up for reasons. "There was others too."

"I won't leave. I'm here." You promise him. "You're my friend, right?" You didn't mean to flat out present how you saw your relationship without asking, but there was something pulling you back here. You aimed to see him all the time. Also, you know if was good for him as well.

Hoseok shakes his head, wishes you weren't so sincere. Yet, you can't be legitimate friends. He doesn't have legs to go after you when he wanted you to stay longer, or warm skin to lean against.

He can't hold his heart accountable for empty promises.

"Ever been to the ocean?"

Not dropping his hand, you take your time answering. With a pained heart, you willingly let Hoseok change the subject. "Once."

"Where?" Hoseok questions, he sometimes wishes he drowned in the ocean instead, it's far more vast and larger. He still sorta wants it.

"Abroad. We went to the caribbean sea. Lovely beach. We had bonfires and funny enough made a seashell castle. The sand was perfect to use. The Atlantic was stunning." You beam the way the sun creeps so fast through clouds of dawn. In awe at your nostalgic emotions, Hoseok splashes some water to your face. "Hey, I'm telling a story here."

"Still listening." Hoseok confirms, toothy grin on his face. He turns his face to fling off the dust of pink on his cheeks.

"It was fantastic. Don't worry, we partied and went to monuments, typical UNI shit. That's why I have my polaroid, to capture important moments. Never enough time to just be. Everything slips so fast." You pause, worried eyes locking with Hoseok. He dipped himself in the water. "Sorry. Slips my mind how you've only ever been here."

Hoseok emerges with a shrug, reconnecting your fingers. "Don't feel bad. I wanna hear about your life outside. Plus, I like it here. Just being." The problem isn't the being, the problem is the slipping, the times when he forgets what he's supposed. Now, he can't forget an upholding desire from the way his body betrays him to fonder over you.

You grin at him, squeezing his hands and Hoseok feels as solid as he has in weeks. "I got you something."

"Really?" Hoseok asks, his body bumping up against the kayak.

"Yup!" You lean, not dropping Hoseok hand as you pull out a pack of gummy candy, watermelon and worms. "Figured you need more options."

Hoseok rolls his eyes. "Gummy worms?"

"Trying to make you feel more like you're on land." You protest with a pout, stealing a bag and eating it. It wasn't your most clearest choice. But, you couldn't help pondering about him when you saw it. At least he doesn't look offended. Maybe charmed is closest? You're not positive.

"Worms will make me feel more human? You're weird." You hold the bag out, watching Hoseok take a handful, inspecting the worms. "Gross, but funny."

Luckily, you were glad he enjoyed your poor gesture. Feelings come out at strange moments, you think. "No need to thank me."

You're dreadful, but Hoseok likes it.