Sincerely, Me {A Dear Evan Hansen FF}

{33}

I know.

I know, I know, I know. I fu- freaking know.

I watched Jared and Connor leave, something was piercing my heart. I don't know.

When they came to visit I was so happy. So happy to see them, mainly Connor, but still happy to see my best friend.

Then the way Jared messed with Connor... just threw me off. He was looking at him the way.. the way I look at Connor. Even when they spoke in .. whatever language they spoke in! I don't really know that language, what if he was telling Connor something about me?

Plus, the way they spoke to each other. It's that tone that's like: oh yeah I've know you for countless years. But they haven't!

I sigh and lean back into my bed. I feel like the only good part about this was Connor's goodbye kiss (a short peck on my lips that made my heart flutter) and his small kitten whose name is JD now. I loved that kitten, he was way too cute.

The door closed, I quickly looked over to Doctor Herman.

"Hello Evan. The next surgery will take place in less than 30 minutes. You ready?" He asks softly, in that weird way of his.

I nodded, "Yeah. Yeah I'm ready."

He smiled and turned away and out the door.

I started to play with my fingers. What if Connor doesn't love me anymore? What if he loves Jared? Haven't they been spending a lot of time together since I've been in surgery and when the crash happened, I was out for like a month.. I think.

What if they're dating? I groan and bring my hands up to my face. Running my hands through my fluffy hair.

I have to stop thinking about this. Connor still loves me. Does he?

I don't know.

~~~

The next time I woke up, my legs were numb. There was only one doctor and my mom in the room.

I yawned then sat up. Both looked at me.

"He's awake. Good."

My mom rushes towards me, tears brimming her eyes, "Evan! Oh god sweetie! You're okay, you're legs are fine." She quickly pulls me into a hug.

I hesitate but wrap my arms around her. She pulls away from me after a bit and smiles at me.

"You've been out for two days. Jesus your heart beat became so slow we thought we actually lost you. Don't ever scare me like this again." She says, holding onto my shoulders.

"I'll try not to." I weakly smiled at her.

The doctor walks over, "The numbness should be wearing off so you'll be able to walk home. But not literally of course."

I smiled, "Really?"

"Yes really." He smiles back.

I smiled cheekily and took the sheet off of me, looking at my legs. There were scars, a long cut from my thigh to my ankle. I trace my finger along it. It's weird, my legs don't feel much different.

My mom and the doctor went back to talking and I started to try and move my toes. After awhile they started to move and I was thrilled.

It was another 20 minutes before I could move my entire legs. Swinging myself over the edge I drop down to the ground. Stumbling a bit I take steps towards my mom.

She hears the noise and almost squeaks when she sees me "walking". Every step was a little difficult but I managed. I walked up to her and she smiled, "It's like your first steps all over again."