My Own Way

Epilogue

I knew it wasn't the first time she heard these stories, even from other patients but at times I was starting to run low on patience and energy at home.

"Blake can take over for a few hours. You need to take care of yourself or number three might suffer." She said seriously.

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Then I will. I'll do anything to make sure he's okay."

I loved all of my kids but number three was extra special. Blake and I had decided to name him after my dad but of course, no one else knew that. Also, making him my last child, I kept all my little memories of my pregnancy really close to my heart.

Someone knocked on the office door. When the door opened a bit, a young woman peeked her head in, "Excuse me, Mrs. Sanders your husband is here...would you like him to come in?" She asked me.

"Yes, thank you." I said with a smile.

Blake came in the room and sat down next to me.

"I'm so sorry. Traffic was slower than I thought." He said, forgetting about the doctor and just talking to me.

"You owe me." I told him and I felt the tears build up in my eyes again.

"I'll get you ten ice creams with smarties if you want." He said exaggerating but trying to negotiate with me.

"Okay." I answered, accepting his offer.

"Ten? Really?" He asked.

My eyes went back to his, "What are you saying? Am I really overweight with the baby?!" I asked him but turned to the doctor, hoping that it was only in my head.

I could tell I caught her off guard but she answered the way I hoped, that I was perfectly fine with my weight, I wasn't underweight and I wasn't overweight.

"Mr. Sanders, I was telling your wife that she needs to relax. The baby is not in danger but her stress level is too high that if it continues to rise, it will become a problem." She said to Blake.

I wondered if it was her way of telling Blake to stop talking.

I got the confirmation when he answered, "I understand."

"To answer your question about a vasectomy, the best doctor who could answer all your questions would first be your family doctor. I know that doesn't help this very second but that would be the best place to start." She informed us.

"Really?" Was the only word out of Blake's mouth while I squinted my eyes because I knew I was in trouble. Blake didn't want a vasectomy, I only asked the doctor because I wanted information to give to him to see if he would reconsider.

I turned my head towards him and he was looking right at me. I could easily see that he wasn't happy.

Crap.

"I love our kids, I love you...but I can't have anymore." I told him, being completely honest...in front of our doctor for crying out loud.

He took my hand and looked over to the doctor, "Then we'll start there...to get information." He told her.

"Thank you." I said to both of them. I squeezed Blake's hand a bit, letting him know that I was referring mostly to him. He looked at me and gave me a small smile. I know I was asking him to do the most difficult thing in the world and if he wouldn't change his mind, we would just have to find a different way. We could go back to birth controls and condoms. Getting informed couldn't hurt and I knew we would have multiple conversations before an answer would be given. In the end only Blake could make that decision, it was his body and regardless of the end result, I had to respect his decision.