My Own Way

Chapter 27

Chapter 27

This was the time I had been waiting for. Telling Blake the truth about what happened when I was a kid. I still wasn't sure if I was going to tell him the truth about killing Jesse. I remembered what my mother told me, wait to see his reaction and if I'm okay with it, I could tell him the rest.

I took a deep breath and thought, 'Ready or not, here we go...'

"I remember telling you how my mom was kidnapped the night before her and my dad were supposed to get married." I started.

He nodded his head so I continued.

"I remember a lot of stuff from back then...like before Jesse would come in our room or when he'd leave, I could always hear the locks. He always wanted me to call him daddy, though I never did. He would come in the room almost every time my mom was in the shower because he knew she wouldn't hear him talking to me and I was too scare to tell my mom because I didn't want to get in trouble also I didn't want her to get in trouble too. When my mom was angry at Jesse, she wasn't afraid to show it or to say it...that always got her in trouble..." I looked at Blake to make sure he was listening to me and he was. His worried eyes on me but didn't make a sound as I continued.

"When he wanted my mom...he'd either throw me outside our room or lock me in our bedroom closet. I didn't understand why he kept putting me in there until I was old enough to really understand and having many conversations with my mom. I could hear noise...mostly her begging him to stop...I know she always tried to fight him off but at the same time, she always tried to be quiet because she didn't want to scare me but... that didn't really work. I was always scared."

"When you were outside the room, could you yell out for help or go to the neighbors?" Blake asked.

"No. My mom always told me not to talk except with her. Besides, I went to the front door maybe a couple times and it was always locked, even with the help of a chair, I couldn't reach. The lock was too high. It was like he was always a step ahead of us..." I took a deep breath and smiled, "I remember for my fourth birthday, Jesse came in our room with a cupcake with a candle on it. To be honest, we never knew if it was morning or night, or what day it was. It could have been my birthday or it could have been...months away, my mom and I never knew. We took turns to sleep so that someone was always awake, it didn't always work out but we tried. I had just woken up when he came in the room with that cupcake. My mom whispered to me, 'Make a wish baby.' before blowing out the candle. My wish was that one day I could meet my dad, my real dad that my mom would talk so much about but after awhile she stopped talking about him completely. Anyhow, that was still my wish, but I didn't say it out loud of course. I loved the taste of cupcakes, it fascinated me for some odd reason but when we left that house, I couldn't even look at them without feel sick to my stomach and I haven't eaten one since. Anyway, I remember my present from Jesse was a wooden horse that I could sit on and it would rock back and forth. I was so happy and because I was happy, my mom and Jesse were too. There were no arguments that day, it was a perfect day for us and we didn't get them very often. He didn't stay long in our room and when he left I jumped on my mom, gave her a hug. ...I think I sat on that horse the whole day until I fell asleep and the next morning, my horse was gone. I didn't even hear the locks or him coming in the room, neither did my mom...I guess we both fell asleep. I felt so stupid because I should have foreseen it. He would always give me new toys and I'd get all excited about it and days later, it would vanish. I cried and cried and my mom was so angry at him..." Sitting next to Blake, not talking and trying not to cry for a stupid horse that I had for a day, almost sixteen years ago. I felt pathetic as a tear escaped my eye and I quickly wiped it off.

"It's okay to cry." Blake whispered.

I shook my head, "Not for a freaking toy that I had a long time ago, for a day." I told him.