Heart of Gold (Anthony Rizzo)

Twenty Seven

Anthony

"Hey! I thought you forgot about me" I tease as I answer my phone.

"I could never forget about you" that sweet angelic voice replies.

I had been at training camp for about two weeks now and the homesickness was setting in. Isabella was doing fine without me, she got Nick home after staying a little longer than expected and they've been doing well. Besides the fact he has so much medication he has to take now he's going great. His stitches are out now so the next time he goes to the doctor is for a check up that everything is fine. Every time I call he asks when I'll be back so we can play baseball. Isabella offered to play with him but he wants me there for his first time and that just makes me so happy. But it's hard to be away right now, I just wish I could see them.

"What's been going on? Your grandparents haven't bothered you again have they" I ask.

"Nope, I haven't heard from them" she claims.

"No news is good news right" I guess.

"Sure, lets put it that way" she laughs.

"So what are you doing right now" I wonder.

"I somehow got Nicky down for a nap. He keeps telling me whoever had his heart before him didn't take naps and I'm not sure what that would have to do with anything but it makes sense in his mind" she admits.

"When are you meeting with the family" I ask.

"Not for a while. They're down in southern Illinois and they work full time but we'll figure something out. They're both super sweet and are dying to meet Nicholas" she explains.

"That's awesome. I can't wait to meet them" I admit.

"Me either. So you're coming home tomorrow right" she asks and I laugh.

"I wish" I sigh.

"Why does this suck so much" she wonders.

"Isn't it obvious... it's because I'm awesome" I claim.

"And modest" she adds and I laugh.

"I'll be home next month" I try.

"The end of next month" she clarifies.

"Don't remind me" I sigh.

"I miss you" she admits.

"I miss you too. More than you can ever imagine. Believe it or not but the guys here just aren't as pretty as you are" I tease.

"I don't know, Jeff has some nice hair" she jokes.

"But my hair is better" I pout.

"Are you jealous" she asks.

"What? Me? No..." I try.

"Uh huh" she laughs. It falls silent as we realize this just isn't the same.

"It's taking everything in me not to come home right now" I admit.

"Please do" she begs.

"I can't" I defend and she sighs.

"Charlie needs to go out so I guess I'll let you go. Keep making me proud" she says.

"Of course. Love you Bella" I say.

"Love you too" she replies quietly. I end the call before I say something I regret and fall onto my bed. I run my hands down my face as I let out a groan.

Everything in me tells me I should be home. I should be with her helping her out. She's still only 22 and fighting for everything she has left. I should be there for her making her smile and taking some of the stress away, maybe she should be with someone who will be there for her. She deserves to have someone who will be around every time she needs a shoulder to cry one. Whenever she needs someone to hold her. And as much as I love her I can't do that. That's not fair to her. I want her to finally be really happy and able to live her life. I want her to see the world and all it has to offer. She's been through so much and her life is hard enough without me. I hate knowing she's feeling down and it's because of me.

I get pulled out of my thoughts when I see my phone ringing. I see it's Isabella again and start to panic.

"Hey, is everything okay" I ask.

"Yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice" she claims and I smile.

"You're cute" I say.

"Only for you" she claims.

"Can I ask you something" I wonder.

"Of course" she insists.

"I honestly feel like you deserve more than me. I know you love me and I love you more than anything in this world, but I can't be what you need. Do you ever feel like you should have someone who's always going to be there for you" I ask. The phone goes silent and I check to make sure our call didn't drop. "Hello" I ask.

"I've never needed anyone to take care of me. Even when my parents were alive I did most things by myself and that didn't change when they were gone. I never had someone help me raise Nicholas or tell me what to do when I had ten hours a homework and spent six hours in the hospital and still needed to eat and get eight hours of sleep in one day. And I most certainly don't need someone who is always going to be here for me. Because I can go out and find a guy who will be here, but I don't want someone here when they don't want to be. I don't want someone who does things because they feel like they have to. I don't need looking after or someone constantly knowing everything I do in my life. I'm perfectly fine with existing quietly. But I do want someone who understands me. Who lets me tear myself down then helps me build myself back up. Who will listen to me complain about how cold the doctors office is then get ice cream afterwards anyway. Someone who doesn't have a lot of time but makes time for me and my brother. Anthony you are perfect for me in every way imaginable. I know you're not here right now but I called you back after like ten minutes and you still wanted to talk to me, wanting to know I was okay. It doesn't seem like much but in life I learned to count the little things. And I am, because all those small things add up to something bigger than you or me, it's us and it's something that I wouldn't give up for the world. So no, Anthony I don't feel like I should be with someone who is always here for me. I already have someone who is here for me and so much more and I wouldn't want to be seeing anyone else" she says.

"So you want to be with me" I confirm.

"If I could put it in the simplest way possible... yes. I want to be with you" she laughs.

"Well I don't know about you, but I feel so much better" I admit.

"You're such a mess" she giggles.

"But you love me anyway" I smile.

"I do" she assures me.

Nicholas gets up from his nap and I get to talk to him for a bit. He sounded really good and I just wanted to hold him right now. In due time I will be able to see my two favorite people once again.