Addiction (series 2) - Avneil

Keep talking

It became a routine for Neil for the next one day. When ever allowed, he would just go in and quietly sit beside Avni, sometimes talk to her. Prakash would take care of his food and other comforts. Neil barely slept during this while and looked like it.

In this duration Bebe came to see Avni, prayed for her wellness and then returned. Shweta would not, even after being told that it was Avni who got injured shielding neil from Juhi's knife attack. Nanno came as well after Ali brought her, she was not willing to see Avni in this state so she prayed from outside her room and met Neil and left.

This time Neil entered the room with a book, one of this favorites.. He opened it and started reading it to Avni. He knew she would not be listening but still he wanted to read something to her. It just seemed right at that moment to do!

Neil, reading from the book -  (quote) "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.." (unquote). Neil then turned the page and started reading in his mind now.

"Keep talking.. but I never took you for a boring person.."

Neil looked up incredulously! Avni had spoken!

Neil flung the book aside as all the literary feelings in him went the other side. He held Avni's hand and said - "Avni.. Thank god.. Let me call the doctor!"

He got up to leave in a rush but then felt a tug from her. She was pulling his hand weakly.

"Don't.. Just dont call anyone in yet. I am already tired as it is. Mostly I will sleep and not have to face the barrage of doctors and nurses again!"

Neil - "But Avni.. they will need to know and ask you questions about your pain levels etc.."

Avni - "And how will it change things? hmm? Will I get a discharge right now?"

Neil was silent, and then smiled softly - "Ok.. I wont call them. This will be our little secret.."

Avni was grateful for a short while and left his hand. Neil felt as if his hand was always holding hers and by leaving her hand he had lost something. But he did not attempt to hold it again, not yet.

Neil asked some questions that felt redundant , but he had to ask. He knew what Avni will reply, but he asked.. - "Avni.. hows the pain now? Are you feeling any other discomfort? Can I get anything?"

To each question as he had expected, Avni shook her head in negation.

And then Neil said what he had practiced a lot of times in the last two days in front of the mirror..

Neil - "I wanted to say something. I have made a lot of preparations to say it, but now when the time has come, I am not sure if I will be able to complete my sentences properly. But I still want to.."

Avni nodded her head slowly in encouragement.

Neil - "I have been stupid and selfish. I did not feel your pain when i should have. I deserted you when you were feeling low. I .. I am sorry from the very depths of my heart Avni. Never had I imagined.. never had i thought that you would be in this condition because of me. I will ensure this is not repeated again, ever."

Avni listened to all of it. And then she said something softly.. Neil saw that she was asking him to come closer as she did not have the stamina to talk loudly and for long. He brought his face closer to hers and she began speaking.

Avni - "I felt bad. Throughout. I thought at the end of it, I would lose you. But somehow we are still here. The only peace I felt was when you held me. I did not feel the stab of the knife, or maybe I do not remember it due to the shock."

Neil held her hand again. He was listening intently to each word coming out of her mouth. He added - "So Avni.. do you accept me as your husband again?"

Avni - "I want to complete what I was saying.. I have not felt this sense of loss since a long time. And i do not want to feel it again. With the relation of a mother and child, it is unbreakable. No one can break that connection.. With the relation of a husband and wife, or lets say lovers. It is breakable sadly. I thought it was not, but I lived to see the relation with you on the verge of breaking up."

Neil put his head down at this. He could not look into her eyes. It was tormenting to look into her innocent soul as she uttered these words.

Avni - "It is not about you Neil. It is about me.."

These sentences stung Neil, he could not brace himself enough for what was about to come.

Avni - "I .. I want to live separately.. I want a divorce Neil. I do not want our friendship to end , because that is where it all started. But.. but I thought we were at a particular commitment level, clearly there was some lack of balance in our equation.. That you.. That you decided to leave me while you looked after Juhi..". She went quiet after this.

Neil's voice was weak as he said - "I did not..I was not going to leave you Avni. I would have come back. It was just that I had to settle her. Or so I thought. And it was the biggest mistake of my life.."

Avni 's voice was sentimental as she said - "It is ok. You did what you had to. But you made me believe in a lot of things, including first love. But I was not your first love Neil, and when it came back to you.. You discarded me. You did not trust me. I do not want to hurt you. I do not even want to leave you as a friend. But I cannot continue in a marriage with anyone now. I want to be myself again"