' 𝗬𝗢𝗨 𝗦𝗘𝗡𝗗 𝗠𝗘 𝗦𝗪𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗜𝗡 ' › D. SWING

10.

DEVANTÈ.

The news about the baby was beginning to really take a toll on me. Almost to the point where I wanted to just give up on even trying to be a good person. What was the point? Everything I was doing was seeming to be for nothing. Wasn't like any good was happening to me. Dalvin still wouldn't talk to me, and K-Ci would talk to me but only when Dalvin wasn't around. JoJo's been 'busy' lately so I didn't really have anybody to vent to about all that was bothering me. It was all becoming overwhelming and I just wanted to relax and take my mind off of things.

I walked around the bed to head toward the dresser, grabbing my watch and clasping it around my wrist before exiting the bedroom to go down the stairs to the living room. It was honestly a mess but I hadn't been in the mood to clean or do anything for that matter. The condition that was house was currently in was a refection of how I felt and I didn't mind if others saw it either. They needed to. Maybe then they'd care how fucked up I was these days and try to help rather than point their fingers at me and tell me how much wrong I've done. That, to me, was showing that they no longer loved me as much I loved them or were just selfish human beings. Because me? I wouldn't kick anybody while they're already down. That's just not the kind of person I was, no matter what others may think. Sure, I've done a lot of fucked up stuff but it doesn't mean I'm not remorseful about them. The last thing I've ever wanted to do was hurt the people I loved but with alcohol, weed, money, and egos comes trouble. And that's just the truth.

I made my way downstairs toward the doorway to see the silhouette of a male figure as he stood on the porch before reaching over to ring the doorbell. I grew nervous, glancing around at my surrounding then my eyes landed on the knife on the counter and I quickly went over to grab it prior to heading to the front door and unlocking it. My heart was beating rapidly, my palms sweaty as I slowly pulled it open by the knob to see Derek standing there with a bright smile that soon disappeared once his gaze fell down to my shaky hand that held the knife.

"Whoa, whoa! What's up, D? You good? You aight? ", he inquired in a bit of a panic. He slowly stepped forward with one hand reaching for the knife and the other trying to place itself onto my shoulder. I was deep in thought. So much so that his voice was almost distant. What is he doing here? I tried to calm myself since my adrenaline was rushing through me, my breathing heavy as I stared forward but not exactly looking at him. Truth be told, I don't know what I was looking at. It was as if I wasn't even myself at that very moment. "Come on, man. Let go. It's me. Derek", he continued, his hand wrapped around mine as he attempted to pry the knife free, unhooking my fingers from around it then it fell to the concrete beneath us. "D. Ay, man. You scarin' me. You good?", he inquired with a tone of concern. He snapped his fingers in front of my face a few times, gradually bringing me out of the trance I had been in. "Have you been drinkin'?", he asked and I just shook my head. He nodded and threw his arm around my shoulder, walking me back into the house and kicking the door closed behind us.

"You haven't showered. That's for sure."

His face was scrunched up as I glanced over at me then stumbled forward a bit due to him tripping over one of the empty beer cans from almost a week ago.

"What in the world? Man, you in here livin' like this?"

I Ignored him, dragging my feet along the wooden floors of the foyer and he sighed and shook his head.

He then retrieved his cellphone from his pocket, "I'm callin' Dalvin, man. This is....crazy."

"Ain't like he gon' show up. He don't give a fuck about me", I said matter-of-factly. The last time I called him, he told me to go kill myself and I admit, I thought about it once or twice. Couldn't follow through with it, though. My religious background wouldn't allow me to. A lot of the elders used to tell me that if you commit suicide, you'd go to hell. Though I couldn't find it in the Bible anywhere, I didn't want to risk it. I know I did wake up every Sunday listening to Christians sing off-key to burn for eternity. I even ironed my suit.