Despair of the heart

Chapter 7 - It hurts

CHAPTER 7: IT HURTS

Usagi’s POV

I am lying in bed slightly leaning on the head board, Misaki in my arms, his head on my chest, and arms around me. My eyes drifted to the alarm clock that Misaki had left in the room. I forgot to toss it out the day before, like I usually did when I found it in my room. It read 12:30; it’s been an hour and a half since Misaki woke up.

His sobs reduced to sniffs and usual moans of pain. He kept repeating his words from earlier. He kept saying how much it hurt and asking why his brother was gone. Feeling his pain but not able to do anything was unbearable. It would be wrong to say I felt the same amount of pain Misaki did; however, I would give anything not to see him in this much pain.

He was drifting in and out of consciousness by this point, not wanting to fall asleep but too tired to resist. “Misaki close your eyes. It’s ok, I promise I’ll be right here when you wake up. I’m not going anywhere.” I said trying to persuade him, he looked really exhausted. I kept one of my hands on his head, the other rubbing circles on his back.

He shook his head so I asked him “why not Misaki?”

“I-I…” I waited as he hesitated for a second, then continued “I-I’m s-scared-d…” He paused again and I waited but he didn’t say anything.

“Misaki, what are you scared of?” I said encouraging him to continue, when he said nothing I started again “Misaki…” but I didn’t have to continue as he started.

“b-bec-cause… everyt-time I-I … ” he was severely stuttering but I managed to link the words as he kept explaining as much as he could “I-I …s-see i-it-t h-hap-pen… o-ov-ver a… and o-ov-ver-r…” at his last words his eyes were shut tight.

“See what Misaki?” I really wasn’t sure what he was talking about. He started to sob again, not as much as earlier, he really was exhausted.

His voice was barley a whisper as he spoke again “t-the t-traf-ffic l-light… k-kid-d…c-car-r…b-b-blo… b-blood e-everywhere…a-and h-him…n-nii-c-chann’s b-bl…h-he wahss… i-in the m-midle o-of i-t… h-he was-s…” his voice got frantic, his breath labored, his body wrecked as he heavily sobbed.

“shhh…Misaki..it’s gonna be ok… it’s gonna be fine… shhhhh” I rocked him slowly as my arms tightened around him. “shhhh…it’s ok…it’s ok” I kept whispering in his ears as he repeatedly called for his brother.

“w-whyyy-hhh… w-whhyyy d-does-ss i-tt h-hur-t-t s-so m-mu-hhh-ch…w-whhhhyyy…s-so-hoo m-muhch…”

“shhhh…” there was nothing… nothing I could say… not a single thing came into mind… me,  a person that could write one novel after another without second thought… me, speechless… no word could fix this… nothing “Misaki…” I kept rocking him in my arms; my right hand running through his hair.

No words would work… just this one thing… even if this tiniest action had the slightest chance of working, I had to try it. I moved my left arm from around Miskai towards his chin, and so very slowly lifted his head so that his face was right in front of mine. His half lidded eyes were so broken and filled with tears it broke my heart just to see it.

 But it also made my resolve stronger and me more desperate, so I moved my face close to his and locked my lips on his quivering ones. Every time he cried only one thing seemed to work in calming him down, so I hoped with all my heart that it would be one of those times.

To my relief he returned my kiss. I was glad as I felt his shaking condense. I felt his tense body relax, his tears return to the steady stream that kept falling even in his sleep. His arms around me tightened.