Despair of the heart

Chapter 2 - Waiting

CHAPTER 2: WAITING

Misaki POV

It’s been a few hours now and still no news from the doctors. I’ve been sitting here in this white, cold waiting room for a while. Half an hour ago Minami-nee-chan arrived at the hospital.

 I’m not sure what happened before the ambulance arrived. They told me that the guy from the flower shop was a doctor, he had called the ambulance and helped stop the bleeding long enough till the paramedics got there. I’m really thankful to him although I am not sure who he was.

I was so out of it I don’t remember what actually happened. Not even the ride in the ambulance to the hospital. I really hated this place.

I still have no clue on what is going on. Minami-nee-chan is sitting next to me; I’m not sure what she is saying. I am guessing that she is talking to me but right now I have no idea what anyone around me is saying.

All my focus is on the door in front of me. I’m hoping that someone would come out and tell me that everything is going to be ok… that nii-chan is going to be ok. I really don’t want to think of what is going to happen. I want everything to be ok. I want nii-chan to be fine.

It is my fault that this had happened. If only I hadn’t insisted on taking the train, if I didn’t insist on stopping at that flower shop then we would have avoided all of this. Then none of this would have even happened in the first place…

Oh god… please be ok…Nii-chan… Please be ok…please…

I don’t know how much time had passed when suddenly Usagi-san had burst into the waiting room looking around. When he saw us sitting on the chairs on the left corner of the room he dashed my way.

“U-Usagi-san…?” I gasped I didn’t know why he was there I didn’t call him, But if I didn’t then who did “why are you he..ere…?” I was suddenly engulfed in his strong, warm embrace. At that moment I didn’t care who called him, for once I was in his arms I was glad that he was here, it felt like everything is going to be alright. I just held on to him like a life line.

He didn’t let go but loosened his grip on me, at that moment I tilted my head upwards to look at his face “Usagi-san…” I didn’t know why my voice was so low “Usagi-san…” I tried again but it sounded the same. 

 He took my face in his hand and gazed into my eyes then he asked me “Misaki...what happened?”

I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want to talk about it. I myself wasn’t even sure of what happened.

 what do I say? I don’t want him to hate me… It was my fault after all… whatever happens to nii-chan… it’s all gonna be on me… it is my fault….

“Usagi-san…” I tried again but my voice was still low. I looked at him to see if he heard me, the worried look he gave me just made me feel worse. I didn't want him to worry... not now... not because of me...

“Takahiro was hit by a car… when he and Misaki…w-where on their way to the cemetery…” Minami-nee-chan said. I turned my head to look at her to see why she suddenly stopped. She had started crying. She covered her face with her hands and started sobbing.

I wanted to comfort her but for some reason I couldn’t let go of Usagi-san’s shirt. My hands just clutch the front of his shirt tighter. I don’t know why but Minami-nee-chan suddenly wiped her eyes with her sleeves and looked up to me.

“Misaki-chan…I’m sorry sweetheart…I’m sorry” she got up from her chair and came to my side. She put her hand on my back. I really didn’t know why she did that. Then she said “You have to stop crying dear… crying won’t help… I called Usagi-san here; I really didn’t know what else to do… you wouldn’t stop crying …. I don’t think that you were listening to me…”

I really didn’t know what she was talking about. I looked at her confused then I turned my gaze to Usagi-san who was still holding me close to his chest. He looked in my eyes and then said “Misaki… you don’t have to keep crying…” he took one of his hands off my back and caressed my cheek gently “Misaki?”

I looked at him confused I didn’t really know what they were talking about. So I raised my hand to my cheek. It was damp, why was my cheek so…wet? Am I crying?... “U-Usagi-san…?” at that moment he realized why I looked so confused. He held me even tighter than before. I realized then that I was soundlessly crying… I buried my face into his chest and started to sob…he only held me closer and started drawing circles on my back to comfort me… I didn’t deserve that.

I don’t deserve this… I don’t dese… It was my fault… I was responsible…. Please god…please let him be ok…

Usagi-san just held me in his arms while I sobbed… I don’t know for how long, I just kept on crying. I tried to stop but I couldn’t. He never let go of me. He just stood there holding me in his arms and whispering words of comfort into my ears.