𝐖𝐀𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 || 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

Chapter 31 ~ Help, I Lost Myself Again

Episode: Season 3 - The Kids Are All Right Pt. 2

"Hey. So I met Ben. Cool kid," Dean said when he found Lisa, "You know, I couldn't help but notice that he's turning 8... You and me...you know..."

She laughed, "You're not trying to ask me if he's yours?"

"No, no, of course not," he brushed her off before turning serious again, "He's not, is he?"

"What? No," she denied it.

Dean nodded but I couldn't help but see the look of disappointment cross his face. I hung back in the hallway, watching them. Something about this whole thing just made me so mad. I didn't know why. It's not like I cared. Why would I even remotely care? Dean could do what he wanted to...

Including, having kids... I felt bile rise up in my throat at the thought of Dean having kids with another girl... Wait, what?! Where'd that thought come from? I mean...I mean, in general...it's weird. Dean looked out through the window again and frowned as a woman and her daughter walked off.

"Something wrong with your friend?" he asked her and she nodded.

"She's been through a lot. Her ex just died in this horrible accident," she admitted.

"Didn't I read about that? The power saw?"

"Yeah. I guess there's been a lot of bad luck in the neighborhood lately.

Dean looked over at her, green eyes meeting her gaze, "What kind of bad luck?"

Lisa explained all the goings-on in town and Dean and I made a call to Sam as we got back into the Impala. We met up with him a little later after Dean chatted to Ben and Lisa more, much to my chagrin. Sam told us all about the research he'd done. Apparently, a changeling had been replacing the kids and killing the fathers in order to feed off the mother in the household. Dean was immediately worried about Ben so together with Sam, we headed back to the house. But it was too late.

They'd already taken him which unfortunately meant that Dean had to tell Lisa about hunting. We ended up finding the kids a little later though thanks to Dean and returned them to their parents. In fact, that's what we were doing now. Returning Ben to Lisa. I wanted to just come out and say it - how she was a tramp so of course the kid wasn't Dean's. How could it be?

Ben could be any guy's she was with at the time. But for the first time, I didn't say the words. I didn't blurt it out like normal. I just held my tongue as Dean walked up to the house with Ben in tow. My eyes were glued to him as I gazed at the front porch through the smudged pane-window of the backseat. Sam got in up front, the car door slamming shut behind him and I felt his eyes on me but he said nothing.

That's what I loved about Sam, he never questioned me on anything. He just let me be. Dean was about to walk away from Lisa then and I rolled down the window slightly just in time to hear Dean speak to her.

"You know, just for the record you got a great kid... I would have been proud to be his dad..." he confessed and I bit my lip, feeling my heart drop as Sam punched the radio button.

"Help, I lost myself again... But I remember you... Don't come back, it won't end well... But I wish you'd tell me to..." Billie Eilish sang out softly.

She leaned in then and her lips connected to Dean's. Tears pricked at my eyes and I hurriedly rolled the window back up and lied back on the backseat, facing away from Sam's prying brown eyes.

"Our love is six feet under. I can't help but wonder, if our grave was watered by the rain... Would roses bloom?"

My own eyes fluttered closed as sleep overcome me, my last thoughts being of the pit in my stomach - that horrible feeling like I was being torn apart inside.