𝐖𝐀𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐒 || 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫

Chapter 18 ~ Oh So Conflicted

Episode: Season 2 - Everybody Loves A Clown Pt. 2

The Harvelles introduced us to a man named Ash AKA the drunk on the pool table. Turns out, he's a pretty smart guy, though. The boys gave him John's journal and papers - basically everything we knew about the Yellow-Eyed demon so we can track him. As we waited on Ash, Sam drank beer and talked to Ellen while Dean flirted with Jo. Sitting in a corner by myself, I watched them talk. She smiled down at him as she leaned over the table and I rolled my eyes.

Cheap tramp. Ellen was nice but her daughter? Grade-A trash. I must have been the only one that thought so though because Sam laughed just then at something she said. Wow, his standards have dropped drastically.

"Dean, Parker, come here, check this out." Sam piped up suddenly and we both made our way over to him.

Apparently, there had been some murders at a circus nearby. Peering over Sam's shoulder at the newspaper, I grinned.

"Road trip, boys?" I asked before arching an eyebrow and pointing a finger at Dean, "I call dibs on any and all cotton candy,"

He scoffed in response, "Well, that's all you'll be doing. It's not like you're tall enough to ride any of the rides,"

I blew a raspberry at him, placing my hands on my hips.

"Well, at least I won't throw up like you did," I shot back, smirking.

"Hey, I was a kid then!" Dean defended himself.

"Psh, Dean, you were 13!"

He grumbled, not responding and I grinned triumphantly before patting Sam on the arm.

"Come on, Sam, time to go." I said as we all headed to the circus.

As it turns out, clowns can be evil. Ha! I always knew they were. Ever since Air Bud. Once we had finished the case, we headed back to the Roadhouse to check up on Ash's progress. He had managed to come up with a locator for the Yellow-Eyed demon, a way to track him city-by-city.

"You three did a great job," Ellen told us, handing us all drinks as she turned to the boys, "Your dad would be proud,"

"Thanks," Sam told her as she walked off.

We sat in silence with our drinks until Jo smiled at Sam and me. He smiled back until he realized she wanted us to leave.

"Oh, yeah, um, I've gotta...Uh- uh... I gotta go...over there. Right now," he stuttered out awkwardly, getting up to leave.

He glanced over at me and nodding towards the other side of the room.

"What?" I asked, playing dumb.

He nodded again and I almost snorted. He looked like a chicken when he did that.

"What? I'm not going anywhere," I arched my eyebrows defiantly.

Sam let out a sigh and grabbed me by the wrist, successfully pulling me off the bar stool and across the room. He went to go talk to Ellen while I sat across from them, my eyes glued to the pair.

"So?" Jo asked, smiling at Dean.

Dean cleared his throat, "So?"

"Am I gonna see you again?" she asked him and I sat up straighter in my seat.

Dean was silent a moment, holding the beer bottle in his hands.

"Do you want to?" he questioned, glancing over at her.

"I wouldn't hate it," she flirted.

"Mm... Can I be honest with you? See, normally, I'd be hitting on you so fast it would make your head spin. But uh...these days...I don't know," he admitted.

"Wrong place wrong time?" she grinned and he smiled at her.

"Yeah." he agreed, his words soft.

I felt my stomach twist in knots, watching them. I didn't even know why but it was making me feel sick to watch. Putting my bottle of beer onto the table, I stormed out of the Roadhouse to wait on the boys outside. When we got back to Bobby's, Dean went back to working on the Impala. After washing up after our trip, Sam and I went out to help him. The hot sun beat down on us and I smiled, loving the heat. Must be my Latin blood, I thought to myself with a smile. I leaned on the fender of Baby while Sam began to talk.

"You were right," he told his brother softly.

I arched an eyebrow, wondering where he was going with this.

"About what?" Dean asked, walking around him.

"About me and Dad. I'm sorry that the last time I was with him, I tried to pick a fight. I'm sorry that I spent most of my life angry at him. I mean, for all I know, he died thinking that I hate him," he admitted.

"Sam...he never though that, believe me," I tried to assure him.

He shot me a small sad smile in response.

"So you're right," he continued to Dean, "What I'm doing right now, it is too little. It's too late,"

Dean stayed silent but I saw his jaw clench, his own personal tell when he was upset. I guess that's what happens when you know someone for so long, you can tell when they're hurting and others can't.

"I miss him, man. And I feel guilty. And I'm not all right. Not at all," Sam confessed and I looked down at my shoes, feeling his pain, "But neither are you. That much I know..."

Dean still said nothing and Sam nodded to himself.

"I'll let you get back to work." he told him before slowly walking back to the house.

I almost followed him and in most cases, I would have. But Dean needed someone right now. And yeah, we fought like cats and dogs but...grief isn't something anyone needs to go through alone. Regardless of how you feel about them. Silence ensued between us until Dean walked over and picked up a crowbar. He balanced it in his hand a second before whipping around and slamming it into the window on the driver's side of the Impala.

I gasped, covering my mouth as glass shattered loudly, spilling out onto the ground. Getting up off the fender, I hesitantly walked towards him as he began to beat the trunk of the car with the crowbar.

"Dean, stop," I told him cautiously to no avail, "Dean, stop it,"

But he ignored me. He hit it over and over, making large dents and holes in the metal as he took out his frustration.

"Dean, stop! Dean! Dean!" I shouted, racing over and wrestling it away from him.

The crowbar fell to the ground with a metal clang as Dean sobbed. Without hesitation, I pulled him into an embrace, my arms wrapping around his neck as the tears fell. I sighed, rubbing my hand up and down his back soothingly.

"Shh, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay..." I murmured to him gently, sobs wracking his body.