Eternally

My Muse

Dan's p.o.v.
After the headache ceased I walked out of the room knowing already where I was. I'm greeted by an overly cheerful nurse. "Oh! Your awake! Good your just in time for breakfast!" And with that I'm brought back into the routine. Breakfast, therapy, down time, lunch, group, outside, dinner, showers, sleep. For three days this is my life until it is interrupted by a break through. It comes during free time when I grabbed a pencil and some paper planning on writing, but I end up drawing. Now I had never drawn before, but this was amazing. That is, until I realized what I just drew. It was a perfect rendition of Phil's glorious face. His sharp cheek bones, his voluminous lips, his eyes, oh those eyes. I had to turn away before I started Crying. I got up to go to the bathroom. I saw that there was one of those automatic paper towel dispensers. The ones with the metal cutting edge. Perfect. I put my wrist up to it and draged it back and forth, but when I finally drew blood there wasn't the normal release of my pain. Only more pain. And a burning one at that! I yelp and try to stop the bleeding. I fail so I walk out and go to the nurses station. I look at Debra, whom I kind of like, and she sees me holding my wrist. "Oh, Dan." She says it in such a loving voice that I just break down in tears. I'm sorry... I just... I drew... I'm... Then she comes around the counter and hugs me. "Shhhh. It's okay." She holds me until I stop crying. When I finally do she asks me what I drew. I go over to the table and pick up the drawing. I almost start crying again as I bring it to her, but I manage to keep the tears in. "Oh, wow! This is amazing! Who is it..." She trails off as she sees my face contorting in pain. Then she rushes to bandages my wrist and gives me a Tylenol. Thanks, I think I can tell you... "Yes please! And if "you think" she says using air quotes " because you think that if it's your boyfriend I won't be supportive, your wrong." At the word boyfriend I just lost it. H-he's not my boy-f-fr-iend. B-but I so w-want him to be. S-so much it hurts. I say clutching at my chest as if that would stop the pain. "Oh... What do you mean?" He's just my roommate, but when I met him it was like fireworks. And this one time he hugged me... It felt so right. Scarily right. I thought that he felt at least a little the same way. But when he came to visit me before I came here he told me otherwise. It spews out of me like word vomit. After that I felt so much lighter. "Okay... Since you came straight to me after you did that" she gestures to my bandaged wrist. "I won't tell your doctor, and I'll allow you to call him. If that would help." I nod and thank her. She gets up to go back behind the counter and I follow. She hands me the phone and I dial the number that could make or break me.