❝Speak❞ - A Memoir (Book 1)

20 - The End

Chapter 20

***

The endless beeping from a nearby machine woke me from my slumber so I slowly turned my head to face a complicated looking machine wondering what it might be. It took me a minute to take notice of my surroundings, but took me less than a second to realize I was in a hospital with bare white walls and a small window halfway covered by a white curtain.

Of course, as most people do when they realize they’re in a hospital, I also decided to be stupid and sit up. It actually hadn’t hurt when I repositioned myself on the plain bed with equally plain white sheets. I continued staring at the window, willing the blinds to move so I could stare outside, but no such luck appeared.

I was finally brought out of staring at the curtains when the door creaked open. Like most people would do, I looked toward the door and found Kakashi closing the door behind him while staring at me.

I open my mouth to greet him, but I felt the familiar sensation of being unable to speak. I instead gave him a small smile before sighing and turning back to the curtain.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, as my eyes went back to his hidden face. He seemed to remember that I couldn’t exactly reply, then pulled out a small book and handed it to me. I expected to see written words, like most books, but this one was blank.

I looked back to him with curiosity at the book, then I saw the small pencil in his hand and I realized the use of the book.

So, instead of trying to force words out of my mouth, I open the book to the first page and wrote my reply: I’m not exactly feeling my best right now.

I still remember his slight smile behind his mask as he read my response. Before we could thoroughly converse, a nurse walked in to check how I was feeling as such. That didn’t take long, but afterward they told Kakashi that they had to talk outside, probably for fear that I would over hear. Let’s just say, they didn’t do a very good job at hiding information.

I was able to slip out of bed and walk to the door, to hear their conversation, and looking back now, I wish I hadn’t been so curious.

“I don’t know how else to say this, but…her voice box is badly damaged and we fear that it has been infected. We’re not sure if it has, so we’re running tests, but if there’s a chance that it has, well, she might not make it. She’s still so young…”

Hearing that I probably wouldn’t make it, I backed up from the door and stalked back to my bed. Tears were threatening to overflow and all I could think was that I was much too young to die.

I took my time, climbing back into bed, and while that was going on, there was a war in my head, asking questions and even more questions; questions I couldn’t answer. Finally, when I was situated on the bed and staring at the book Kakashi gave me, I had an idea.

I suddenly thought to write about what had happened; not only so I would be entertained in my last days, but also to distract me from what was happening to me.

And so, I decided to write the story of the battle for my life, which it is apparent that I have just lost. I wrote this in hopes that maybe, one day, someone might read this and, well, I have no idea what they would do with this type of story, but either way, I just wanted to leave something behind, something from all twelve years of my life.

***

Months passed with me still in the hospital and writing my story. Not much happened in those months, only boredom. Kakashi basically lived there with me since he visited so much. Even Sakura visited once, she taught me how to play Truth or Dare and before I knew it, I could speak a few words without my throat hurting.

Soon enough, I could answer well enough that I didn’t need the book most of the time. Unfortunately, just when I had thought my voice was back to ‘normal’ and that just might make it, the coughs began again, and curse mark decided that it was going to torture me by burning the back of my neck.

After several weeks of medication and trying to get my voice back, I continued to sink deeper and deeper into a depression, after all, this was not something a twelve year old would love to go through.

On one particular day, I decided to end my story, after all, how could I write when I barely have the energy to lift the pencil? On that day, I guess you could say I knew that I wouldn’t make it, but at least knew that I had tried.

And so, this is the end of my story, I have no other way to end this sad tale, except that… I’m sorry Kakashi, for actually believing that you didn’t want me.

***

I close the small book and return to a lying position on the plain hospital bed. Just as I readjusted myself to a more comfortable position, the door opens and Kakashi steps through. He looks at me and pauses by the door for a moment before walking quite quickly to me.

“What’s wrong, should I call the nurses?” he asks, sounding worried.

I just smile, but barely and hand him the book. He looks at the book curiously; “Why are you giving me this, you’re supposed to write in it”

“I did, and I want you to read it.” I say; my voice barely even audible to my own ears. I feel my energy draining by the second, so I decide to go straight to the point.

“My friend taught me something, Kakashi,” I start, turning my head to face him which proved to be much harder than I thought, “He taught me to at least try to stand before giving up.”

I take a deep breath and advert my eyes from his one visible eye. I scanned the room absentmindedly, trying to figure out how to tell him that I'm not going to survive this battle.

Finally after much contemplation from me, and silence from him, I turned back to his one eye and uttered my last words. “I can’t stand, Kakashi.”

I continue to stare at him, willing him to understand my words, process them. Now it’s up to him whether or not he gets to message.

So with one last sigh, I reached for his gloved hand and squeezed the best I could as he continued to stare at me. His face goes blurry as a warm tear jogs down my face and with one last smile, I feel the fatigue taking over me, and before I know it, the world is black.