Laws of Motion (Paranormal/Sci-Fi/Thriller) (1st draft)

Possible Rewrite as a second draft

To those that have this in their library or maybe you're following me for updates:

For the last two weeks of Camp NaNoWriMo July 2017 I've decided to look at how I can improve this story. One of the suggestions my first and only beta reader offered is to either reduce Jessica's role or change her age in order to make this story oriented for an adult (by adult I mean over 18 demographic) audience. While she doesn't stand out in this version I do hope she does in the next one. She is my female lead along with Zeki and while I could have her sidekick along as a teenager (like Mathilda to Leon) the situation I initially have Jessica in are almost teen situations (like parents who are concerned for her well-being and with her being a minor she's somewhat restricted, and of course high school scenes).

I had thought I could just rewrite certain scenes but it turns out I'll have to rewrite the whole thing. At this point I do see that the plot more or less with remain the same but scenes will have to be rewritten to accommodate the changes. The changes manly affect the characters Jessica and Chris. Zeki will get some changes but not as much as Jessica and Chris. Sylvan and Geller will more or less remain the same. I may do some tinkering with the telekinetics and see how they engage in battle. The way I have it now is if two telekinetics may eye contact they get this intense rage in which they have to battle to the death and that doesn't seem to work out when you have someone going through high school and they encounter another like them at the same school (Oh hey, you have telekinetic powers, let's go fight it to the death during lunch/after school).

I'll leave this up if anyone wants to read and make some more suggestion on how I could improve this (aside from grammar and have more show and less infodump tell, I am aware that'll have to be fixed). Not sure how much I'll get done since I'll be working on something new in November for NaNoWriMo proper.