An ordinary girl

chapter-23

"Our mistakes don't define us. They are the prove that we tried and failed in the process but they clearly aren't any life sentence to judge us"

Mistakes- its such a small word but can entirely destroy your world and your happiness. We tend to forget that we are people and we are bound to make mistakes and what we don't understand is that our mistakes don't define us and if someone is judging you on it than this isn't your fault, its the mentality of that person who can't look beyond it. There are times when we try to repent our past mistakes and in the process we sometimes forget that we can't erase our mistake rather we can learn from it and make our life more happening. But than there is this another thing too that I have learned from my experience and that is never share your mistakes and fears with anyone because you never know when they would use it against you.

And this was the biggest mistake I have ever made. I told Vansh about each and everything related to my past thinking that he is my greatest support and I don't need to hide it from him but I was so wrong. He has used my fears against me. He always knew that I had a bad childhood and I wasn't that close to my parents and the fact that I was suffering from mental pressure which was resulting in depression and illness. He was very well aware of the fact that no one from my family has ever supported me and I never had anyone whom I could trust blindly. He knew I was impulsive and incapable of handling situations but still he tried to put me in that situation by trying to kill himself. The fear that I felt during that time was enough to shake me badly and my ability to question things stopped. As a result of my own fear I went back to him and decided that I would love him with my whole heart and I even did that in reality. I was willing to stand with him and I even left my school friends because he didn't liked it. Things were going pretty good and I was trying to make him happy in each and every way possible and I did this by making some of the occasions like his birthday more special and I cared for him in the same way he wanted me to.

I used to listen to everything he said and I even did what he wanted me to do let it be leaving my friends and family behind or having sex with him or making cards for him but soon the dream ended and I was hit by the reality. It was during this time only when my parents came to know about us and wasn't happy with it but I was still standing with him and this was the only time when he raised his hands for the first time. That was enough to leave me heart broken but still I forgived him due to my guilt. I thought things will be alright after this but I was so wrong. There was more to the story and there was more pain to come. Once I had a little argument with one of my friends and instead of supporting me, he degraded me infront of everyone. He had more trust on my friend than me. The fact that hurted me most was that he didn't even bothered to ask me what the real matter was and listening to my friend he even didn't talked to me for three days and when I contacted him he behaved so rudely that I felt disgusted with my ownself. After some days when he met me I told him that what he did wasn't acceptable and he should have atleast tried to ask me what the real matter was but rather he blamed me for everything. Thinking about all this and talking to him about it at that time brought tears in my eyes and I started crying in the restaurant and instead of wiping my tears and consoling me he said something that I haven't forgotten till date. His exact words were "this is the problem, you start crying on every little thing and I don't like this drama". The guy who once told me that he can never tolerate tears in my eyes was the one who considered it as a drama now.

Still I forgived him and didn't say anything else because at that time I thought that I too have committed mistakes in the past and has hurted him and he has forgived me and now its my chance to do the same. After that incident things were ok. We did had some little fights and arguments but it wasn't that big though it hurted me but I was satisfied with the fact that atleast they weren't that big. But again I was wrong and some more problems were to come in my way and these made me question his love for me. There was a time when I wasn't well and wasn't able to cope with it. I suffered from some sort of disease which infected me body and the pain I felt was not bearable. The body pain wasn't the main problem but the pain that I had in my intimate parts due to the disease was most tormenting and I used to cry during nights and pray that the pain can somehow vanish so that I can sleep peacefully and at that time I needed Vansh most. He was kind enough to bring my medicines but that wasn't all that I needed. In the night when I wasn't able to sleep I used to call him so that we could talk and he could distract me but he told me that he can't do anything about it and I just need to close my eyes and try to sleep. I called him repeatedly but the answer never changed and he never supported me. I used to cry during night and I used to sit outside my rooms for hours just so that I the pain can be reduced anyhow but nothing could help me and the person who was supposed to help me was busy with his life.

At that time the physical pain that I felt wasn't that strong but the emotional and the mental pain that I felt was enough to break me. I realized that day itself that there is no such thing as promises because they are meant to be broken but what people don't understand is that in the process of breaking these promises they breaks the person too.