Lost and Insecure: Janoskians Fan Fic

Chapter 10

Hope you are enjoying reading <3

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JESS’S POV

Luke ran to face me, ‘Jess, please don’t cry, I’m so sorry.’ I could hear the pain in his voice.

‘There’s something I’ve been hiding from you,’ I looked up at Jai and Luke, the exchanged a glance and nodded, Jai looked nervous. ‘When you were asleep, I told Luke…… to answer it,’ Jai’s eyes watered up, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing, he took a deep breath, Luke picked up his sentence. ‘It was a call from your coach,’ he took a breath, ‘Jess I’m so sorry, it was a mistake, but I didn’t ask him anything, all I know is that he’s your coach.’ I know that they didn’t mean it, I could forgive them, I couldn’t bear to see them so disappointed in themselves.  ‘Its okay I smiled, but you need to understand how…. How hard this is to talk about this. You’re the first people I’ve talked about this to.’ Jai squeezed my hand, I can do this I thought to myself. I took a deep breath, ‘It happened a month ago, and that’s when I started, you know.’ I choked on my sobs but fought to continue, this was going to help. The memories rushed back, they filled my mind, every little detail.

 “Ashleigh, Amber and I grabbed a timer, we were starting splits I had my right leg in front and I held it my splits for two minutes, then  we swapped legs so my left was in front. We were chatting, just small talk, we were all excited because it was a year until we were seeing One Direction in concert! We knew that a year was a long way away, but we didn’t care. Then we got into side splits, ‘So Louis and Hannah!’ Ash exclaimed, Louis is my step brother his dad is married to my mum. ‘Yeah, I guess it’s a little weird that Hannah’s going out with him but she’s my best friend, I love her and she’s really nice to me,’ I replied with a smile. But Ash and Amber weren’t smiling, they were frowning. ‘Jess, Hannah doesn’t like you’ Amber said still frowning.

‘What the fuck do you mean’ I said still giggling, they were obviously joking right? Wrong.

‘She posted on Tumblr, all of this stuff about you being a major dork, she said you were an anorexic nerd, a slut and a pathetic whore. But Jess, don’t listen to her you’re none of those things.’ I was absolutely gutted, I had treated Hannah like my sister of the last few months. I thought that we were starting to get really close, instead I was giving her more things to pick on me about. I was furious, but I kept I straight face, this wasn’t going to faze me. This wasn’t going to distract me, Nationals were 2 weeks away, I need to focus,  now more than ever.

Nedal (my coach) told me to warm up for beam, I tried to clear my head. I warmed up my back flip back flip dismount. I chalked up my hands and jumped up on the beam, all I could think was how could that slut do that to me? She  was using me to hook in with my step brother! What a fucking bitch! I stood up getting ready to dismount, I did my first flip. Those thoughts still rattled around in my mind, I felt my foot slip but I went for the second flip anyway. I heard a crunch has my head hit the beam, then I fell to the floor, flat on my back. The fall knocked me out cold. I woke up in hospital, stiff as hell. My friends ran to my side, when they saw my eyes open ‘Jess!’ they shouted in relief.  They had been sitting at my side for 3 ½ hours, it was about 8:30pm. They explained that an ambulance had come and picked me up, their faces were filled with horror, tears streamed down their faces. Luckily no one had actually seen the fall, just heard it. I was happy, I hadn’t scarred anyone or put them off gymnastics. The doctor asked to see me alone, I saw my parents standing outside, my mum, dad and stepdad. I was happy they were all here. The doctor explained that the fall had fractured two vertebrae in my back. I would be able to walk and do exercise at a gym, but she sighed and hesitated. She told me would never be able to do gymnastics again, I would risk losing the ability to walk. I screamed and cried, why me is all I could think. Ash and Amber pushed past the doctor and grabbed my hand, I didn’t need to tell them what I had been told, they knew. They sat with me for what seemed like hours, they never let go of my hand and they cried with me. I was put in a back brace and was allowed to go home after two days. For the first week I had to walk with a frame, I went to physical therapy all the time. But I still went down to the gym, just to watch. I coached, a few younger girls starred, I hurt me, but the gym had been my home for 8 years. On Saturday, my physical therapist gave me the okay to take off my back brace. I went straight to gymnastics. I worked out, no flips, handstands. Just strength work, it killed me inside, but at least I could still work out.’

I took a few deep breaths the twins pulled me in for a hug, the tears were streaming down my face, fast. Once we pulled away from the hug, Jai looked at my face and wiped away the tears.