Lost and Insecure: Janoskians Fan Fic

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Character Profile:

Jess- 15- small build- grey/green/blue eyes (a weird mix I know)- light brown hair with natural dirty blonde streaks- gymnast- average height

Jai- 17- perfect- brown eyes- beautiful smile

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hey everyone this is my first try at a FAN FICTION…. Tell me what you think


I woke up in the middle of the night flustered….. The thoughts wouldn’t go I tried so hard but I was never strong enough to get them to leave me alone. It was 2:23am I walked into the kitchen I grabbed my scissors and walked straight to the bathroom; I don’t know what was wrong with me, but it was the only way to get the thoughts, the fact that I was never good enough to leave me when I tried to sleep. I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes still bloodshot from crying myself to sleep only a few hours earlier, my face was pale. I sat down and looked at my heavily scarred stomach and I plunged them in, the pain took the thoughts away, it was nearly the only thing that stopped my mind from completely taking over. I then calmly went back to bed, covering up my tracks first

I woke up to the annoying ring of my alarm it turned it off and got up, I got in the shower and got ready for school. I sat at the breakfast table watching the Janoskians while eating my toast, their videos always made me laugh. My sister yelled ‘What are you watching this time?’ as she walked into the dining room. ‘Lahme’ I relied with a grin

‘Haven’t you already seen that? Like a thousand times?’ she replied rolling her eyes at me

‘Two thousand actually’ I replied sarcastically, I loved my little sister to death. That’s why I lied to my family I couldn’t bear to see their faces if they knew the truth, I don’t know why I never feel good enough, all that I know is that it kills me inside. If my parents knew they would look at me with disgust, they would look at me with horror and terror in their eyes. And I can’t handle that, I never meant to hurt them, so dealing with it on my own seemed the easiest way. I got my school stuff together and I headed to the bus stop I put my headphones in and drowned my thoughts with the angel like voices of One Direction, I closed my eyes and I was in a happy place, those boys had done so much for me, but it still wasn’t enough to keep me from hurting myself, I wish it was and I mean it should have been, but I fear there was something truly wrong with me…. But I didn’t feel like I had anyone to turn to, I couldn’t talk to my family because I just can’t stand the thought of them looking at me if they knew.

I got to school and I said hi to a few familiar faces, I went to my locker and headed off to period one with my best friend, Amy. Amy and I sat through a painfully boring science lesson, that’s when the thoughts kill me, there’s no one and nothing to stop them haunting me, I feel ugly and ashamed. I haven’t told Amy what I do yet, but I want to tell her, I know that she can help. But the judgement in her eyes, the anger she’ll fell, it will be really hard to handle, but im going to do it today, I owe it to her, she’s always been there for me and I need to actually open up. We walked to the sport department together, rambling on about One Direction, she laughed and smiled but I just couldn’t.  Amy turned to me and ask ‘Jess are you alright? You’ve been quite for like a month now’ I winced, my god, that’s exactly when I started, a month ago. She didn’t know why but she could tell. I looked at her ‘I’m doing alright, but I need to talk to you, afterschool?’ Amy looked at me a little confused. ‘Look I’ll tell you later but it’s just something we can’t talk about here okay?’

‘Okay’ she agreed, the concerned look left her face. 

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